Gleeful Dead
by nikkithedead
Summary: When the deadites attack McKinely High, it's up to Ash Williams to save the Glee Clubbers from a fate worse than a slushy down the pants. Well, he'll probably try to save most of them, at least...
1. Chapter 1

Gleeful Dead:

**Right, so no idea if anyone will read this. It is an "Evil Dead 2" crossover. Basically, the monsters from Evil Dead are going to attack Mckinley High, for reasons I do not yet know. I've wanted to write this for a while and I just thought "fuck it, I'ma do it."**

**If someone does read this, I will answer any questions you have concerning the evil dead parts of the story in full detail, if you ask them.**

**It's gonna be bloody (head up Billy Buddy)! Just a warning, and Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog reference.**

**I do not own glee or evil dead. I just worship.**

Chapter 1:

The day started off like any other. Rachel woke up, brushed her teeth

_(30 seconds clockwise, 30 seconds counter-clockwise making sure to effectively cover all areas of each tooth for optimum plaque demolition)_

and washed her face

_(cover face with hot towel for 20 seconds to allow for steam to open pours. Lather with Clean and Clear Anti-Blackhead face wash, making sure to evenly coat face. Rinse off face with cold water in order to seal pours shut. Smile, and remind self of inner beauty and strength)._

And got dressed for school. This was done quickly, as she had already prepared her outfits for the week on Sunday night, after watching a re-run of "The Nanny" with her Dads.

Her first sign that something was different about this morning came when she sat down to eat her perfectly balanced breakfast (Organic Muesli with various sliced fruits, and a half cup of orange juice...all organic). She looked out the window, and instead of the bright, sunshine filled Monday morning she expected, saw nothing but a vast and ominous black sky stretching before her.

She wondered, for a brief moment, if she should be worried about this. Just then, she cought sight of herself in the window's reflection and realized how truly Tony-award winning she looked that morning. It was breathtaking.

Needless to say, the obviously evil black sky was not thought about again.

Until she got to school.

* * *

The day started normal enough, as well, for Ashley J. Williams. Well, as normal as an average day can be, for Ashley J. Williams.

He woke up in a blinding fit of panic, clutching his gun in his one-good hand, and screaming the name "Linda". Typical enough.

After setting his rifle down, he secured his chainsaw into the socket where his left-hand used to be, and went about killing himself some breakfast.

"Hah Hah, gotcha ya little sucker" he said 20 minutes later, proudly clutching a now dead squirrel in his hand. Roasted squirrel for breakfast. If only he had some eggs, he could make himself an omelet and have a banquet.

The image of a fancy banquet hall serving nothing but squirrel omelets came to his mind, and he chuckled and hummed to himself as he went about flaying and roasting his new squirrel friend.

After eating his breakfast, he went back inside the cabin where he had been forced, by unknown and terrible powers of pure evil, to reside and looked around. It was now that he noticed that something was wrong.

The books were still, the lamp wasn't laughing...no doors creaked, and none of his body parts tried to kill him. Everything was still, and quiet.

Something was definitely wrong.

**So lemme know if you think youll read it, I understand if you don't want to. Horror isnt for everyone. Also, the story will involve all the glee characters, not just Rachel. I just picked her to start with. I will probably work in some Finchel, Britanna, Skurt and whatever the ship name for Quinn and Puck is, while I am at it. Also, I will be willing to take votes on who should die. If anyone has read this far.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, in order to warn people who may not be very gore tolerant, I will put a rating before each chapter. **

**1 bucket of blood- 4 buckets of blood: very light on gore. The first chapter would be 1. **

**5 buckets of blood- 7 buckets of blood: moderate gore, if you can't take _any_ blood or guts, you may want to read cautiously.  
**

**8 buckets of blood- 10 buckets of blood: very gore heavy. you may want to skip this chapter. **

**_This chapter is rated 4 buckets of blood out of 10. _**

Chapter 2:

At McKinley High, the students and faculty were noticing the doom-soaked morning about as quickly as Rachel. That is to say, they weren't.

The sky was dark and rippling with lightening above their heads, but no one paid it any attention.

The cheerios practiced their routines on the football field, the cafeteria ladies re-heated the breakfast from the week before to serve as fresh, and in the locker rooms the football team dressed for practice.

As the rest of the team finished dressing and left the locker room, Dave Karofsky just arrived, late for school and in a very bad mood. He had slept in and by the time he got to school the cafeteria was out of pancakes. While it was not unusual for Karofsky to get to school late, Azimio was usually there early enough to save him some pancakes. This morning, Azimio was no where to be found.

Needless to say, Karofsky was not pleased on this particular pancakeless morning.

He rushed around the locker room, getting his gear on and thinking about all the different ways he was going to pummel Azimio's face in when saw him.

He was just getting ready to go out onto the field, when he heard a strange sound, like deep laughter, coming from the shower area.

He froze, and a prickle of fear ran down his spine. He thought about running away, and was about to when the laughter sounded again, low and long like a fog horn.

Karofsky turned to leave, then paused. What the fuck was he afraid of? It was probably just some little shit using a voice modifier or something, trying to scare him. Well, he would show him.

Determined, Karofsky made his way over to the shower, fighting the urge to get the fuck out of there. _Quit being such a pussy,_ he told himself, and walked over to the source of the laughter.

Suddenly something jumped out from behind the shower stalls, knocking him to the ground. He looked up, and saw Azimio standing above him, laughing darkly.

"What the fuck man! Where were you this morning?" Karofsky shouted, getting to his feet. Azimio just laughed again.

"I missed out on the fucking pancakes because of yo-" Karofsky started to say, but was cut off, as Azimio reached out and grabbed him by the neck. Now Karofsky could see that there was something wrong with his friend. Azimio's eyes were white and milky, with no discernible iris or pupil. His lips were black and decayed looking and his skin looked purple and rotted.

"Uh listen man" Karofsky squeaked, his words choked by Azimio's hand "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to s-shout. I'm not mad about the pancakes, I swea-" Karofsky's eyes grew wide with terror and pain, as Azimio tightened his grip and flung him back into the showers. Karofsky smashed his head on the shower head, and fell hard and bleeding onto the tile floor.

Azimio came towards him, smiling insanely. His teeth were as black as his lips, and slimy looking. Karofsky stared at him, and suddenly he knew he was going to die. He lifted his hand up and touched the back of his head, then looked at his hand; it was covered in blood. Karofsky vomited and whimpered as Azimio kicked him in the stomach. Azimio cackled and Karofsky quickly dipped his hand into his own blood and scrawled a quick message on the shower wall. If he was going to die, he needed people to know.

A moment later, Azimio kicked him in the head, sending him smashing into the floor.

Before he blacked out, the last thing he heard was that awful laughter coming from somewhere above him, thick with disease and horribly inhuman.

* * *

Once he had realized something very bad was going on, Ash had gotten in his broken and beat up Oldsmobile and gotten the hell away from the cabin. In his hurry, he forgot something very important, the reason he was stranded in that godforsaken cabin in the first place; the bridge was destroyed, and the path leading around the ravine was hidden.

Ash slammed his hand down on the tattered steering wheel, cursing loudly. Just as he was getting ready to turn around and hunt for some other route, the ravine came into view. He pulled up to it, and turned his car off, gaping.

The bridge was back, fully intact and exactly how it had been before. He rubbed his eyes. It was definitely there, old and rickety just like it had been before.

He hesitated for a moment, wondering if maybe it was a trap. _Fuck it_, he thought, driving forwards. Worse case scenario, he died. After some of the shit he'd seen, hell, death would be a fucking vacation.

He drove slowly across the bridge, not sure it would hold the cars weight. It creaked and moaned beneath him, but he got across.

He laughed as he drove away, finally free of that hellhole. He thought of where he would go, and what he would do.

"The world is my oyster" he said aloud, laughing louder. Suddenly, the dark sky rumbled with thunder above him and he stopped laughing. He looked up at the sky. It was dark and purple, and the clouds where swirling upwards as though they were being drawn into something. Like a vortex.

He sighed. He wasn't free. Something was going on, and he had to do something about it because if he didn't...who the fuck would?

* * *

A little while after Ash had discovered the reappearance of the bridge, the McKinely High football team was making its way back into the locker room after practice.

Sam Evans walked into the shower area, and screamed loudly.

Dave Karofsky was lying dead on the shower floor, his head and face covered with blood. The back of his head looked like it had been smashed open, and he was lying in a mixture of blood and vomit.

As Sam noticed the words written next to Karofsky's smashed head, Finn Hudson came around the corner to see what was wrong, and added his own vomit to the mix.

"What the fuck happened?" Finn asked, wiping his mouth with his towel.

"How the fuck should I know?" Sam said, feeling like he was about to pass out. "I just- I just found him like this."

Slowly, the rest of the team was coming over to see what was happening. Each of them reacted to it in their own way, some screaming like Sam, two vomiting like Finn, and several passing out on the floor.

"Who could have done this?" Mike Chang asked, leaning against the wall for support.

Sam shook his head.

"No clue. Karofsky's a big guy..." Noah Puckerman said solemnly. He was looking intently at his feet, obviously disturbed by the sight in front of him.

"We need to tell someone, Principe Figgins or something." Mike said, standing up straight. "Whoever did this is still around somewhere and...we need the police." Sam, Finn and the rest of the team nodded.

They got dressed quietly, and decided that Finn, Sam, Puck and Mike would go tell the principal. The rest of the team was headed to the guidance councilor's office.

* * *

**Feedback is appreciated! **


	3. Chapter 3

**3 buckets of blood out of 10**

Chapter 3:

Ash followed the trail the clouds seemed to be making. He was sure he was on the right track, because as he drove the thunder and lightening increased in speed and volume. After a few hours on the road, he began to notice what looked like an opening in the sky. All the clouds seemed to be getting sucked into it, and the thunder and lightening appeared to originate from around it.

* * *

Sam, Mike, Puck and Finn made their way to Principle Figgin's office. Mike was leading, with the rest following behind him.

As they walked, they ran into Kurt in the hallway. His eyes were red and puffy and he seemed to be trying not to vomit.

They stopped.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" Mike asked.

Kurt wiped his eyes with his hand and sniffed and shook his head.

"Come on Kurt, we can help..." Finn urged.

Kurt sighed. "I-I was practicing in the choir room with Brad when h-he...I don't even know. _I don't know what happened!_" he said, breaking down and crying. Sam went over to him and put his arm around him. Finn patted him on the shoulder.

"It's gonna OK dude" he said, and then looked down and noticed the blood on Kurt's left hand. "Kurt..." he said slowly. "What happened?"

Kurt sniffed again, and unbuttoned the jacket he was wearing, revealing the blood soaked shirt beneath. Sam's eyes grew wide and he tightened his grip on Kurt. Puck looked away and Mike sighed.

"I had to, ok?" Kurt pleaded, looking at each of them frantically. "Brad..I don't know. He freaked out. His...eyes. They rolled back in his head or something and he started screaming. He just...l_unged _at me or something..." He began crying again, burying his face in Sam's chest. Sam patted him awkwardly on the back.

Mike stepped forward again, trying to stay calm. "And then what happened?"

"Come on, dude, he's upset..." Sam said, but Kurt shook his head.

"I'm ok" he said, sounding far from it. "After he came at me, I screamed and told him to stay away from me, I was scared...terrified. He...you didn't see him. It was awful. I grabbed the microphone stand and told him to stay away...but he kept coming. And he started...s-saying things." Kurt started sobbing again, and the rest was difficult to understand. "He...jumped...and, the stand...his chest...oh god...I didn't mean to!"

Sam was now clutching Kurt desperately to him, using Kurt's body to keep himself standing. He was pretty sure he was going to faint. Finn and Puck looked the same way.

"Come on, we need to get to Principle Figgins" Mike said slowly, looking at Kurt, whose eyes widened.

"What? No..I can't, I-I..he...no." He sputtered, pushing himself away from Sam, who did then proceed to faint. He was only out for a moment, and he sat up against the lockers, seeing black stars in front of his eyes.

"I'ts ok Kurt, you won't get in trouble. It was self defense." Mike said. And Puck nodded silently. Finn added "uuuuuhhh" in agreement. Sam was lifting himself up off the floor, not really hearing anything around him.

"We'll tell him about Karofsky and Brad, and hopefully the police will know what to do." Mike said, leading Kurt down the hall as the rest trailed behind.

Kurt stopped. "What happened to Karofsky?" He asked, shocked. Mike glanced at Finn, Puck and Sam, unsure if he should tell Kurt. He'd been through a lot…

Puck obviously thought he could handle it, and began explaining how they found Karofsky in the showers, dead. Kurt's eyes grew wide and his mouth round.

"And, something was written above his body, in blood. His last words, I guess." Puck finished. Kurt continued to stare in horror, temporarily forgetting how to speak. He swallowed.

"W-what was written?" he stammered out, a moment later.

"'I'm Gay'" Sam answered, leaning against the wall for support. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" he asked unassumingly. Kurt swallowed again. He glanced around nervously and pulled at his jacket collar. Sam stood upright and Finn gaped at him. Mike crinkled his nose, and Puck looked unaffected.

"You and_ Karofsky?_" Finn shouted, mirroring Mike's look of disgust. "Kurt, how could you? After everythi-"

Kurt raised his hand up, cutting Finn off. "I _knew_ ok. Thats it. We weren't _together_" he sneered.

"How'd you know?" Sam asked, once again leaning against the wall.

Kurt looked nervous again. "I, oh, well...he...its not important really, he...um. Told me."

Finn nodded, and Mike and Sam raised their eyebrows, but decided not to push it. They had more important things to deal with at the moment.

* * *

A school. It was all happening at some fucking school. He'd followed the swirling storm into some ass-backwards town in Ohio and he finally found the centre of it; directly above some school called "William McKinley".

Lightening crackled, and struck out at the top of the school, which glowed purple for a moment and seemed to cackle with energy. Ash shook his head and made his way inside. What the Deadites wanted with a bunch of brain-dead cheerleaders and steroid munching jocks was beyond him, but this was where they had come, and he would be right there behind him, ready to shove his double-barrel so far up their asses they'd shit gunpowder out their bellybuttons.

If they had bellybuttons...or asses for that matter.

Whatever, he thought, making his way through the front doors. The school was quiet, but he could hear crying off in the distance and a low, dark cackling from somewhere above him. He loaded his gun and held it ready, making his way through the empty halls.

* * *

As Ash walked around the halls, telling any kids he ran into to get the fuck out, Puck, Mike, Finn, Sam and Kurt were entering Principle Figgins office and receiving an unpleasant surprise.

Principle Figgins was at his desk. Or part of him was...his upper half had been devoured by Lauren, and she was in the middle of sucking the marrow out of a bone that Mike figured had probably been in his arm. She hand't noticed them enter the room, but when Kurt saw what was happening he screamed loudly and collapsed backwards on Sam, who caught him and lay him on the ground.

At the sound of Kurt's scream she turned her head sharply towards them and smiled horribly. Her skin looked rotted and cracked and her mouth was filled with the pulp remains of their principle. She spat what was in her mouth out on the table and Puck vomited in his mouth, but choked it back.

"Want some?" she said in a distorted voice, smiling so wide her decayed lips split and began to ooze. Not bleed, ooze. "Taste's like_ squuiiiirrrrellll_" she cackled, leaping off the table towards them. She was surprisingly nimble and she lunged towards Mike, who stuck his leg out sharply, catching her in middle of her enormous torso.

"Oof" she said stupidly as she fell backwards.

"Come on," Mike said as Lauren jumped back up to her feet. He grabbed Kurt off the floor as he woke up, and motioned for the rest of them to run. Lauren lumbered towards them, and Puck reached back and punched her. "I'm sorry Lauren, you were a kick-ass kisser" he said as his fist collided with her cheek. It was soft and mushy, and when he pulled his arm back, there was a slimy fist shaped indent in her face. Puck reeled backwards and ran.

He ran around the corner and into Rachel, who was running in the opposite direction. They smacked into each other and fell down.

"Ow, Puck. Why did you run into me?" She asked, as though he had planned it.

He grabbed her hand and pulled. "We gotta go" he said, ignoring her whine as he yanked her up.

She grabbed her arm back. "I was running in this direction for a reason. It's a matter of great importance," she said snobbishly and he rolled his eyes.

"More important than getting the fuck away from that" he said, pointing around the corner where he could hear Lauren lurching after him. Rachel looked around the corner and then back at Puck her eyes wide with fear, but her mouth set determinedly.

"Quinn, Santana and Brittany are hiding in the janitors closet at the end of the hall." She said quietly. "They sent me a text asking for help. Me." She looked up at him defiantly. "I'm going." she said, heading around the corner. Before Puck could follow her, she dashed back and threw herself against the wall in a melodramatic display of fear.

"Please help me." she said desperately, and he rolled his eyes again, grabbing her hand. "Come on" he said, and they went around the corner again where they greeted almost immediately by a smiling Lauren. The indent in her cheek was dripping with red and brown slush, and black liquid was spilling from her mouth.

"Oh, EW" Rachel screamed, pushing Lauren away from her. Lauren fell backwards and smashed against the tile floor, her skull cracking open and a gelatinous liquid spilling out.

Puck grabbed Rachel's hand again and they ran past Lauren who was trying to get back up, but slipping on the substance leaking from her head.

They ran to the janitors closet and Puck tried to pull it open, but it was locked.

"No one's in here. Just some brooms. And a Mop." a voice from inside the closet said. Rachel recognized it as Brittany's and knocked rapidly on the door.

"Guys? It's me and Puck. Open Up." A second later, the door opened and Quinn peaked her head out, and looked them over. Apparently her inspection of them held up, and she stepped out of the closet and motioned for the other girls to follow.

Brittany and Santana stepped out, clutching each other tightly. Brittany looked like she'd been crying and there was fear behind Santana's dark eyes.

Puck looked at her, and she dropped her arms from around Brittany, who whimpered.

Quinn looked at him. "What's happening?" she demanded. "We were chased in there by 3 other cheerios wearing a cage on top of them."

Puck shook his head. "No idea, everyone's messed up. We found Karofsky dead in the shower room this morning, and totally gay by the way. And then we went to go tell Figgins but Lauren got to him first, and I guess she was hungry."

They stared at him, and spoke at the same time.

"Karofsky's _dead?_" Rachel asked, shocked.

"Karofsky's_ gay?_" said Santana, disbelievingly.

"Whose 'we'. You were with others?" Quinn inquired.

"...whose Lauren?" Brittany asked cluelessly.

Puck nodded, and decided to answer Quinn, the only one who had asked a relevant question, in his opinion.

"Yeah, I was with Mike, Kurt, Sam and Finn. We all ran when we saw Lauren having her mid-morning snack, but I got separated" he said, eyeing Rachel, who was staring at the wall, oblivious to Pucks glare. "I dunno where they are, but I'm glad I found you, and that you're ok."

Quinn blushed and Santana glared at him. He cleared his throat.

"All of you, I mean." he added lamely. "Come on, let's go find the others and then get the fuck out of here."

"I'm hungry, lets get food first." Brittany said, her stomach growling. "All I had for dinner last night was cat food."


	4. Chapter 4

**4 buckets of blood out of 10**

Chapter 4:

Ash made his way down the hallway and was about to turn a corner when a loud crashing sound told him something was up. He shot his gun at a locker and listened. If it was a student, they would have screamed. Instead he heard snickering and a clanging sound.

Definitely a Deadite.

He moved his gun around the corner and shot it, then went around to inspect the damage. Around the corner he saw not one but three deadite cheerleaders stumbling backwards on the ground. He had got one of the in the chest, and since they were being held together by a cage over their heads, all three had fallen backwards.

They hissed at him angrily, trying to get up.

"Aww, whats wrong?" He said walking over to them and kicking the cage back over.

"Cheerleaders lost your pep?" He emptied the used up shells from his gun and re-loaded. The cheerleaders growled and squirmed in their cage, kicking their legs violently.

"Don't worry, I've got something that'll blow your minds..."

He fired his gun twice and reloaded quickly. Two deadleaders heads had been blown off and the one that was left spat green bile at his feet as he made his way towards it.

"You can blow us apart all you want, we're still gonna feast on your so-" it began, but was cut off by a loud blast from the double barrel.

"Yeah Yeah yeah," He said, as its head rolled around inside the cage. "What else is new?"

* * *

"Why are we going this way?" Puck asked, following the group to the cafeteria.

"Brittany is hungry, didn't you hear?" Santana snapped, putting her arm around Brittany.

"I really don't think food is what we should be focusing on right now." Rachel piped in. "There is obviously some sort of unnatural evil a foot, I think we should devise some sort strategy."

"I've got a strategy, it's called 'find the others, and get the fuck outa here'" Puck sneered.

"But don't you want to figure out whats going on and put a sto-"

"No. This is isn't fucking Scooby Do. I'm not Fred, you're not Daphne and Brittany isn't Scooby. This shit is real, and people are dead. We're finding the others, and going."

Rachel pouted throughout the rest of walk to the cafeteria, but Puck ignored her. Instead, he walked alongside Quinn, repeatedly asking her if she was sure she was OK. Santana seethed behind them, walking arm and arm with Brittany.

They reached the cafeteria, and were greeted with a welcome sight. Kurt, Sam, Finn and Mike were all there and they had Artie, Tina and Mercedes with them.

"How did you find us?" Mike asked, standing up and going over to them. The rest stayed at a table where they had a map laid out in front of them.

"We didn't, Brittany was hungry." Puck said, jerking his finger back to the blond who was now crying over the cafeterias food, which seemed to have rotted.

"Yeah, the foods messed up." Mercedes said, studying the map.

"When did you guys meet up?" Rachel asked, taking a seat next to Kurt.

"We went by the nurses office, to get some supplies, just in case. They were there."

"I wasn't feeling well this morning, Tina and Mercedes took me there. We waited for the nurse, but she never showed up..." Artie said, wheeling up next to Rachel. He did look a little green, and Rachel inched away from him.

"Why did you come_ here_?" Santana asked, eyeing Mercedes.

"It only has one entrance, we figured it was the best place to come and figure shit out" Mercedes snapped back, moving in front of Santana, her hands on her hips.

"Guys, chillout" Mike said, raising his hands up in front of his face. "We need to come up with a plan, not kill each other."

Mercedes rolled her eyes, and went back to her place by the window.

"Hah!" Rachel shouted, poiting at Puck. "I told you we needed a plan!"

Puck shoved his hands into his pocket and grumbled.

"So, what we have here is a map of the school," Mike continued, ignoring Rachel's outburst. "We've identified all the exits and we're trying to map out the best escape route."

"What are the little red dots?" Santana asked, leaning over Kurt's shoulder.

"Thats the problem. Those dots are where we've seen...trouble." Mike said. Kurt sniffed.

"Brad attacked him earlier," Sam explained. "And he came at us on our way back from the nurses office."

"It was messed up," Tina said, standing next to Mike. "He had a microphone stand through his neck." Kurt began sobbing, and Sam patted him on the back.

"What else?" Quinn asked, her voice shaking. "What else did you see?"

Mike and Finn glanced at eachother. "Its not important..."

"What? Tell me." She asked, placing her hand on her hip. "You think I can't handle it?"

Finn gulped. "Well...it would appear that you, Brittany and Sanatana are the only sane cheerios left." He said, looking skeptically over at Brittany, who was making two rotted carrots interact with each other.

"What do you mean?" Santana asked sharply. "All the other cheerios are...whatever it is thats happening...it got them all?"

Mike nodded. "It seems so. We were attacked by a least a dozen cheerios, in various sections of the school. 3 of them were in a cage."

Quinn sat down. "We saw them. They chased us into a broom closet."

"Whats happening!" Rachel cried, getting up to throw herself at Finn. "What is going on?"

"It seems like people are becoming...possed. By, something." Mike said.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Oh that's great. 'Possessed by something?' Could you be anymore vague?"

"Yes, I could." Mike replied. "What's happening is obviously being caused by something not-good that wants to do bad things."

Santana gave him the finger and walked over to stop Brittany from putting the rotted carrots she was playing with in her mouth.

"Anyways," Mike continued "Our problem is that there are...possessed people...at every hallway leading away from here."

"So we just punch our way through." Puck said, smacking his fist into his hand. "kick some freaky possessed ass."

Mike shook his head. "Thats a bad idea. This is a just a map of where we've seen them. They could have moved, there could be more now...we don't know whats out there. We don't how strong they are, and we don't know how they possess people."

"They just take whoever they want" Mercedes said quietly, facing towards the window.

"What?" Santana asked, leading Brittany by her hand back over to the table.

"The weak, the emotionally vulnerable, they take them first. And they'll come for you. Each one of you."

"Mercedes, stop it. You're freakin' me out." Quinn said slowly. Mercedes cackled and turned her head around. Her eyes were milky white and her teeth he become jagged and sharp. As she laughed, they ripped her lips to shreds and her mouth turned blood red. Although her head was facing them, her body had stayed firmly in place, facing the window.

Rachel screamed and fainted, and a shocked Finn accidentally let her fall to the ground.

"We have to get out of here, come on" Mike said, pulling Rachel up. The rest stood frozen, staring at Mercedes who stayed rooted in front of the window, laughing hysterically.

"Run!" Mike shouted, as Mercedes suddenly seemed to fly forwards towards them. She landed on the table as they all scattered, and spun her body back around so it was facing the same direction as her head. She cackled as they ran.

_"One by one, it's gonna be fun."_ She screamed after them in a sing-song voice. _"Two by two, comin for yooooouuuuu"_


	5. Chapter 5

**10 buckets of blood out of 10**

Chapter 5:

They ran from the cafeteria and down the hallway, none of them remembering that every exit was blocked until they were attacked by a member of the hockey team. His jacket and shirt were torn up, exposing the purple and rotted flesh underneath. His mullet was slicked back with blood, and Mike was pretty sure he could see a girl's earring stuck through his lip.

He pointed his bloody hockey stick towards Kurt and spoke in a guttural voice. "I'm gonna shove my stick so far down your throat it'll come out your ass and you'll think I was fucking you."

He lunged towards Kurt and Sam made a move as though to go in front of him, but before he could do anything, they heard a loud gunshot and suddenly the hockey player was all over the hallway, blown into itty bitty pieces, a few of them that continued to twitch.

"Why me? Why me?" Kurt moaned, sinking back against the lockers. Sam knelt down next to him, trying to console him.

"Well, they usually go after the women first and you're pretty girly looking, so I guess that moves you up on their list of people to fuck with." A tall, dark haired man said walking towards them from the end of the hallway.

"Even the ancient and unknown evil attacking the school is homophobic? I hate my life..." Kurt moaned, smashing his head back against the lockers.

"How can the evil be ancient and unknown? By saying it's ancient aren't you implying that you know something about it?" Santana said. Puck and Sam were about to tell her to shut up, but they saw that she was shaking as well, and decided that bitchiness was just her way of dealing with this. Brittany hooked her pinky with Santana's and patted her on the shoulder.

"No, queer-eye here is right. The evil is very ancient and relatively unknown, not to mention evil. I'm Ash, Ash Williams by the way." Ash Williams said.

"Who the fuck are you, dude?" Puck asked.

"I just said, I'm Ash, Ash Williams." Ash looked at Finn. "Is he slow or something?"

"Hey I can hear you," Puck sneered. "I got your name but what I didn't get was_ who the fuck you are_. Why are you here, and why isn't any of this freakin' you out?"

"Well, it's a long story that involves a beautiful girl, an unspeakable evil and a few squirrel-based meals, but basically I'm here to fight the bad guys. They don't scare me because I've fought them before and taken them down." Ash said simply.

"If you can get us out of here, I will have so much sex with you." Santana said.

"I second that." Kurt mumbled. Sam looked at him.

"Well, I'm not really into jail-bait...or dudes, no offense, but I appreciate the offers." Ash said, looking down the hallways. "Since you were all running from this direction, I take it something is down there?"

"No, not something." Quinn said. "Mercedes, our friend Mercedes is down there."

"Listen Doe-Eyes, if the Deadites got her, she ain't your friend anymore." He looked around the hallway. "You, fancy-pants, get up. We need to keep moving." Ash said, nudging Kurt with his foot.

"Listen man, he's been through a lot and you can't talk to him like that." Sam said, glaring at him as he helped Kurt up.

Ash rolled his eyes. "I don't have time to play Mr. Nice-Guy, so I'm sorry if I'm a bit 'insensitive' but allow me to make it up to you buy saving your fake-blond ass." He looked at the rest of them. "Now, can any of you think of any place in the school that's ever seemed particularly evil to you? If something evil was going to set up base somewhere, where would it be?"

Everyone glanced at each other, each of them only being able to think of one place that fit that description.

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Ash said, as they walked down the hallways. "The most evil place in the school is the Cheerleading coach's office?"

"Sue Sylvester is the closet thing this school has to pure evil." Mike explained.

"And she coach's cheerleading?" Ash sneered.

"Cheerleaders can be evil." Rachel said, glaring at Santana and Quinn.

Suddenly, Finn heard an awful sound come from the distance. He was about to ask if anyone knew what it was, when Brittany's eyes widened with horror.

"I hear a small pig being stepped on by fat man in high heels." she said, throwing herself into Santana's arms and burrying her face in her neck. Artie made a face, and was about to say something when the pigs squeals suddenly grew louder.

Everyone turned as the squeals reached a deafening volume, and their source rounded the corner.

Jacob Ben Israel was limping towards them, a bloody hand reaching out for help. The top of his head was gone, ripped off by some unknown force, and he held what looked like a bloody rag in his hands.

Mike went to help him, but Ash held him back. "It's too late, they've got him. Don't get yourself killed."

As he tried to make his way towards them, he squealed in terror and pain, falling to the ground. As he fell, the thing in his hands fell away from him, and slid towards Rachel's feet.

She stepped away from it, uttering a small squeak of disgust. What had looked like a rag was actually his Jew Fro, torn from his now exposed skull, and seeping blood over the tiles.

Everyone stood frozen, unable to speak or look away. Even if Ash hadn't told them not to, everyone was too disgusted and horrified to help. Jacob inched towards them pathetically, trying to ask for help but choking on his own blood, and sputtering it all over the floor.

Jacob's eyes suddenly widened in terror, as some invisible force began attacking him. He let out another gut-wrenching squeal as he was thrown against the lockers, leaving a trail of blood along them as he fell onto his back.

His squeals increased in pitch as whatever was attacking him increased its levels of torture. He began seizing uncontrollably, convulsing up and down on his back. The convulsions seemed to be originating from the crotch of his jeans, and blood was spurting from between his legs.

As they watched in silent, helpless horror the convulsions wriggled their way from his crotch area to his mid section, before something finally burst from his stomach, taking his ribcage and most of his chest with it.

Now they could see what had been happening.

3 small deadites had been devouring and ripping Jacob apart from the inside. It would seem they had started with his testicles, and were now holding them proudly above their heads, dancing their way across the empty cavity that used to be their classmates torso.

Jacob watched, somehow still alive, with his mouth open in a silent shriek of terror. His eyes were wide and glassy, no trace of sanity left in them. He rolled them back towards the glee club behind him and gave one final, shuddering squeal before collapsing for good. The deadites in his stomach cackled manically, and continued to dance around, his bloody testicles held high over their grotesque little heads.

Ash took a gun out of a holster in his back and shot them, exploding their bodies completely in one shot each.

Then there was silence.

Everyone stared in collective horror, refusing to believe what they'd all just witnessed. Puck turned to the side and vomited and Rachel considered passing out.

Mike looked away from the bloody mess in front of them and took a deep breath, trying to ignore the thick stench of blood, urine and vomit that permeated the air.

"We have to keep going." He said, trying to keep his voice strong. Ash nodded, and they continued down the hallway towards Sue's office.

* * *

**A/N: Ash makes no reference to himself being the "Chosen One" because this story takes place before Army of Darkness, so he wouldn't know about that yet.**

**Also, everyone seems to move on real fast from the death of Mercedes, huh? Well, do you really want everyone to be crying and whining every time a character dies? That would get old. Also, Ash moved on pretty quick from Linda, didn't he? I mean he loved her, but by the time Army of Darkness rolls around, it's like "Linda who?" And that movie is like what, one or two days after she dies?**

**So I thought that them not dwelling on deaths fit with the Evil Dead theme pretty well.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

They continued down the hallway, none of them saying anything. Ash was in front, leading the way and Mike was next to him giving him directions.

After them was Kurt, who was leaning onto Sam as he walked, although he had finally ceased his shaking. Behind them, Quinn was eyeing them suspiciously, finally noticing how much attention Sam seemed to paying to Kurt. Puck and Santana were walking together, and Brittany was pushing an increasingly sick looking Artie at the back of the group.

They rounded the corner and were greeted by a handless cafeteria lady, who seemed to be covered in last weeks lunch special, a concoction so disgusting that not even Lauren had dared sample it. It hadn't faired well to the test of time, and had turned an even darker shade of puke green as it dripped over the lunch ladies rotted body.

"I'm gonna bake your souls in the ovens of hell!" She screeched, running past Ash and trying to shove her way through to Artie. Mike and Puck grabbed her, and Ash lifted up his hand (which they had all noticed awhile ago was attached to a chainsaw) and looked at Mike and Puck.

"Close your mouths." He instructed, yanking the chainsaw to life. He lowered it down over the cafeteria ladies head, splitting it in two. Green blood spurted out as she continued to shout, and Ash continued the chainsaw down through her body until Mike and Puck were each holding separate pieces. Disgusted, they threw down their cafeteria lady halves and looked at their now rotted-lunch special and blood covered bodies.

"Dude, this smell is never going to come out." Puck said, sniffing his arm with disgust. Behind them, Kurt giggled a little.

"Why is this funny?" Mike asked. Kurt giggled again, shaking his head.

"It's just...her blood was the same colour as the lunch special." He giggled, and bit his lip to stop.

"Well, I guess now we know what the secret ingredient was." Tina said, laughing numbly.

"I always said the cafeteria lady was trying to poison us. It's because she was really a goblin." Brittany said, pushing Artie up to the front. Everyone started laughing now, except Brittany who just looked about nervously.

"Did you see what she had instead of hands?" Finn asked, holding his sides. "Spatulas. She tried to hit me with one."

Rachel doubled over, tears coming from her eyes. "You guys look so gross." She said, pointing to Puck and Mike, who were also in hysterics. Their laughter increased in intensity and pitch, and was reaching deafening volumes when a horrible screeching noise stopped it instantly.

"Shut up!" Ash commanded, standing at a locker that he had just sawed in half. "Listen, this is the type of laughter that quickly turns into gut wrenching screams of pain and horror, so let's just nip it in the bud now, ok?"

Everyone nodded, wondering what had come over them. Kurt rubbed his eyes and unattached himself from Sam, thinking he could stand on his own now.

"Does anyone here know how to shoot?" Ash asked, looking at them. Everyone shook their heads, except for Puck.

"My dad used to take me hunting with him before he left my Mom for that hooker." Puck said, shrugging.

"Can you use this?" Ash asked, handing him his gun. Puck took it and examined it.

"A 12-gauge, double-barreled Remington?" Puck asked.

"S-Marts top of the line." He said with a grin.

"You cut the barrel down for increased power? That lower's the guns range you know."

"When you need to kill the thing your fighting twice, power is important."

"I can work with this." Puck said. Ash gave him the rest of his bullets, and Puck reloaded the gun with ease.

"Ok, Steroid-Muscles and Ninja man, you two lead. I need to have a talk with Frankie Roosevelt. Britney Spears, hang with Jail-Bait." Ash said, jerking his thumb over to Santana, who sneered but seemed happy to have Brittany back by her side.

"How did he know my name?" Brittany asked, and Santana put her arm around her and shrugged.

"Alright, listen kid I've got a tough lesson to share with you." Ash said, pushing Artie down the hallway. "That lesson is, life basically sucks and no matter what you do, you are going to die. The only reward for living a long and meaningful life? You end up worm food. Everyone in this hallway, your sexy girlfriend and her angry lesbian friend, fancy-pants and his fake blond groupie, everyone is going to die. The only difference between you and them? You're probably going to die today."

Artie was silent, so Ash continued. "You may have noticed, the deadites like the weak. Their easiest to pick off. Now I don't know what you've got, it could be some special handi-capable person disease or a common cold, it doesn't matter. Whatever it is, it's making you weak and opening you up to attack and possession. And that could happen any time, and any place. It could happen when you're going to the washroom, it could happen while we're rolling down the hall, it could happen when blond-brains has her hands all over you and you could kill her. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"You want...to kill me before I hurt someone?" Artie said slowly.

"Oh. No, actually I wanted your permission to light you on fire and push your flaming wheelchair down the hallway to take down the horde of deadites that is almost certainly waiting in front of the office where we're headed, after you've turned of course...but yours sounds more practical." Ash said.

Artie nodded. "I don't want to die..." He said quietly. He looked at Brittany, who was chewing nervously on her hair as she walked with Santana. "But I don't want to hurt anyone either."

Ash clapped Artie approvingly on the shoulder. "You've got balls kid. Big, metal ones. I guess that explains how someone like you got a fine piece of underage ass like her." Ash said.

"Thanks...I think." Artie mumbled.

"I think I hear something..." Kurt said suddenly, stopping to listen. Finn groaned.

"No, no you don't. Hearing something leads to bad." He said.

"I hear it too." Rachel said. It was a rattling sound, like shaking metal.

"It's coming from up there." Kurt said, pointing to a bank of lockers ahead of them.

"What do we do?" Rachel said, clutching Finn.

"How the hell should I know?" Finn said, staring at Rachel like she was insane.

"I'll tell you what we do." Ash said, looking at them. "Diddly squat. Whatever's in that locker is none of our business unless it jumps out at us, something that increases in likeliness the more we stand around here chit chatting." He jerked his good hand forward, signaling that they should continue.

"But it could be a student. Someone who barricaded themselves in there desperate to escape the evil clutches of those...those..." Rachel searched for the word Ash had used before.

"Deadites." He provided. "And trust me, it's _never_ a student. It's always a deadite and they always kill someone. Now, if I could be sure that someone was you then I would say go check it out, but the world just isn't fair like that, and I'd hate to see Liberace over there take the bullet for your curiosity."

"Real creative." Kurt mumbled.

"Come on, Ash's right we need to keep moving." Mike said, picking up his pace. Everyone followed his lead, eyeing the rattling locker as they passed it. From inside they could hear girlish laughter and enthusiastic death threats.

"Told you so." Ash said as they passed it. "It's _always _a deadite. Now eat your humble pie, Tiny girl."

"My name is Rachel." She muttered.

"Don't care Short-stop." He said. Just then the locker burst open behind them and a blond deadite popped out.

"I'm gonna-" She began, but was unable to finish due to her sudden lack of a head. Puck had turned the shotgun on her and blasted her head off, and he blew smoke dramatically off the barrels, grinning.

"Darn, I wanted to hear what she had to say." Brittany pouted. Everyone stared at her. "What, they've got some interesting threats."

"Nice shootin' Mr. T." Ash said, smiling approvingly.

"Ain't no thang." Puck said, shrugging. Santana scoffed.

"Please don't say thang, it takes you so far down on the sexy-scale." She said, and they continued down the hallway in silence.

* * *

"Doesn't it seem like it's taking us an awfully long time to get to Sue's office?" Rachel said.

"Yeah, I feel like I've been walking for an hour." Kurt said. "My feet hurt."

"That's probably because your shoes are like 2 inches high." Santana said.

"These boots are Alexander McQueen." Kurt snapped.

"Yes they sure are." Ash said.

"What? What does that mean?"

"They are indeed very girlie boots. You said it not me." He said, shrugging.

Kurt glared at him. "No, their Alexander McQUEEN boots, not just Queen boots."

*"Potato potato." Ash said.

"I love potatoes."

"That's besides the point." Ash said, then looked around. "Wait, who said that?"

Kurt shrugged. "Not me. Carbs are the enemy."

"I said it!" a voice cackled. "Oveeerr heeerrreee."

The looked up and saw a skinny long haired deadite crouching on top of the lockers. He grinned manically and jumped down.

Puck raised his gun to shoot, but another deadite came from behind and smacked him on the head with a violin. The long haired deadite cackled and walked over to the violinist. They were then joined by a chubby deadite with drumsticks and a tall one with a guitar.

Mike pulled the unconscious Puck away from them, and Quinn ran over and tried to wake him up. Sam probably would have been jealous if he hadn't been once again been busy clinging onto Kurt.

"Who the fuck are these guys?" Quinn snapped, holding Puck.

"Oh but we're your bestest friends!" The long haired one screeched. He had a high, irritating voice and Rachel cringed.

"You don't look familiar." She said cooly.

"We make you jerks who are you." The one with the drumsticks growled.

"Yeah, you couldn't 'duet' without us." The violinist snickered.

"Do what?" Rachel asked, because she couldn't see the pun.

"SING!" The drummer yelled, lunging towards them. Mike kicked out his leg, and it sunk right through the drummers fat middle, causing Mike to trip forward with the deadite stuck to his foot. He fell to the ground, trying to kick it off of him, where it growled and shouted angrily until Ash came over and sawed its head off.

Disgusted, Mike pulled its remaining body off his legs and pushed the lump aside. Suddenly a horrible noise came from across the hall and they all covered their ears in pain.

Looking over they saw the violist madly playing his broken violin, and it was making a bloodcurdling sound that made all of their hair stand on ends.

"It's like jagged finger-nails on a chalkboard made of screeching cats!" Brittany cried, falling to the ground.

The long hair one danced around them to the "music", screeching wildly as the violinist played. "What's wrong glee clubbers? We haven't _baroque_ your spirits have we?"

"Oh god, someone make the awful music puns stop!" Kurt screamed, doubled over in pain next to Sam.

"Hey you!" Ash yelled. He had the gun back now and was pointing it at the violinist. "Stop fiddling around." He pulled the trigger, sending the bullet through violin straight into the players chest, and he exploded into a volcano of goo and wood.

The remaining deadites looked at the mutilated bodies of their friends, and charged towards them.

The smaller one grabbed Kurt and flung him away from Sam, where he landed next to squishy remains of the drummer.

The one with the guitar lunged towards Tina, smashing her around the middle before Mike had a chance to intervene. The guitar splintered around her waist with a loud crunching sound, and she crumpled to the floor. Mike watched her go down almost in slow motion, and without thinking, he threw himself at the guitarist, screaming loudly. He tackled the deadite to the ground and picked up the splintered guitar neck, ramming it into the guitarists own neck. His blood was a thick yellow colour, and oozed out slowly as he gurgled and died.

The long haired deadite was strangling Kurt, and Sam was trying to pull it off of him. Kurt's hands were flailing madly, smacking into the fat drummer's body next to him. The deadite was spewing homophobic slurs at a rapid pace, when Kurt suddenly managed to grab one of drumsticks out of the fat one's hand and shoved it through his attackers ear. The deadite screamed and reeled backwards, throwing Sam off of him. Kurt then jumped on the deadite, tearing the drumstick from it's head. Black blood gushed out from the hole.

"Whose. The. Bitch. Now?" Kurt screamed, stabbing it repeatedly with the drumstick. When he realized it was officially dead, he collapsed backwards.

"Jesus, Kurt." Sam said, going to his side.

"Sorry," Kurt said, rubbing his eyes and chuckling humourlessly. "I'm usually more _composed_ than that."

"You guys, Tina's hurt." Mike said, holding her in his arms. She smiled at him weakly, trying to shake her head.

"I-I'm fine." She stuttered. "J-just a scratch."

"You're bleeding like crazy." He said, tears springing to his eyes.

"There's bandages in the pocket on the back of my wheelchair." Artie said hoarsely. Brittany and Santana grabbed some and handed them to Mike, who tried to carefully bandage her up.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Tina." Mike said, trying to hold his tears back.

"It's ok. I hear a-asian Heaven is nice this t-time of year anyhow." She said weakly, then coughed loudly, a bit of blood spilling from her lips.

"Don't say that. You're going to be fine, and we're going to go eat Dim-Sum with my mother and I'll pick the chicken feet out of your salad, I promise." He said, the tears rushing down his face now.

Tina smiled, coughing up more blood. "I love you Mike Chang." She said, closing her eyes. Mike sobbed loudly, holding her body close to him until ever bit of warmth was gone from it.

A loud screaming from somewhere in the distance interrupted them then, and Ash looked up. He walked over to Mike and knelt down next to him, placing his hand on Mike's shoulder. "I'm sorry kid, but we gotta go."

* * *

*Theoretically he's pronouncing them differently but I didn't know how to convey that in writing.

**A/N: For the record I have no clue if Puck's Dad left his mom for a hooker or not. They could still be together but I don't think we really know anything about Puck's family...if we do, I can't remember.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Honestly, I have no idea what to rate this chapter. I am way to de-sensitived to gore to accurately judge how bad it is. **

**Let's go with 5 buckets of blood out of 10. **

**I don't think it's too bad, nothing disgustingly awful happens...but really I don't know anymore. Well, at this point you've all read Jacob's death, and I think that was worst part (and the best) so you should be fine from now on. **

Chapter 7:

They walked quietly down the hall, everyone off in their own world. After much protest from Mike, they had left Tina's body back in the hallway.

Mike had not taken that well.

However, they already had the still unconscious Puck draped over Artie's chair, and they couldn't afford to take her.

No one wanted to be the first one to speak, but Sam couldn't wait any longer. "Ok, am I the only one who has no idea who the fuck those guys were?"

"I think they were the jazz band..." Rachel said quietly. "Our jazz band."

"They were. I recognize the drummer." Finn muttered. "He came up to me in the cafeteria one time and told me to stay off his turf."

"I didn't think they even existed when we weren't around." Brittany said. "Like how if you close your eyes, the rest of the world stops existing...the band didn't exist if we weren't in the choir room."

"We should have given them more respect..." Rachel said. "They did so much for us."

"Hey, Superstar, it's allright." Ash said, in a voice that was probably supposed to sound sympathetic. "Just think about how much time they have for de-composing now." He said, grinning. Kurt glared at him and he shrugged. "Too soon?"

"Sue's office should be right up ahead." Quinn said, looking at Mike's map.

"That map is probably useless by now, once the deadites have a real hold on this place they'll just redesign as they see fit." Ash said. "You might as well kick that map into the creek."

"What?" Quinn asked.

"It's from 'The Blair Witch Project'." Sam said. "The woods seem to be moving around them, and then they can't find the map...their friend tells them he kicked the fucking map into the creek."

"Nice going Sugar Lips." Ash said, nodding approvingly. "Maybe you're good for more than being Fancypants' cuddle monkey."

"Leave him the fuck alone, Cave-Man Brows." Kurt snapped.

"Hey, what's wrong with my brows?" Ash asked, touching his eyebrows tenderly.

"Nothing, it's just your face is about 50% eyebrows, 50% chin." He answered.

"Well...you are irritatingly feminine." Ash muttered.

"Brilliant come back from the man whose existence proves that devolution is possible. Scientists around the world marvel."

"Make him stop, Sugar Lips." Ash whined.

"No fucking way..." Sam said, grinning. "Sides, it's kinda hot." He said, then slapped a hand over his mouth.

Quinn snapped her head around and stared at him, and Ash shrugged. "I called that."

Sam opened his mouth to defend himself, but Finn grabbed his arm. "No dude, trust me. I know that look. It's better to say nothing."

Quinn glared at Sam, and then at Kurt who shrugged. "Don't look at me, I can't help it if I'm hot."

"It's true, he can't." Sam said, cringing again. _Why the fuck can't I shut up?_ He thought.

"We need to talk." She seethed, grabbing his arm and pulling him to the back of the group.

Kurt sighed, continuing the walk alone. "I miss Mercedes." He mumbled.

"That the first to go?" Ash asked.

"Yeah..she was my best friend. My only friend." He said sadly.

"Oh that's not true. Sugar lips seems to like you, and I'll be your friend." He offered.

Kurt snorted. "Right, you hate me."

"What?" Ash said. "Where'd you get that idea?" Ash asked.

"Are you kidding? 'Fancypants', 'Liberache', "Queer-eye"...none of those names are exactly terms of endearment." He pointed out.

"Oh, sure they are." Ash said, waving his hand dismissively. "Besides, I have names for everyone." He continued. "And you don't see Ninja man, Skyscraper, Superstar, Teddy Roosevelt, Mr. T, Sugar Lips, Scary Blond, Dumb Blond or Dumb Blond's Angry Lesbian friend taking offense, do you?"

"For the record, I take offense to Sugar Lips." Sam called.

"Suck it up, you've got the mouth for it." Ash shot back.

"Focus, Sam!" Quinn hissed, and Sam hung his head.

"Superstar isn't exactly offensive." Rachel piped in.

"I mean that in a 'you seem very self involved' type way." Ash informed her.

"Oh..."

"But also endearingly." He added, and she perked up.

"Am I Skyscraper?" Finn asked. Ash nodded, and Finn shrugged. "I'll take it."

Ash squirmed uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "So, Fancypants...or...um...?"

"Kurt."

"Right, Kurt." He said awkwardly. "I don't hate you...it's just all of you could die at any second...you name something, you grow attached to it. I've seen too many people die to do that."

"Oh..." Kurt said quietly.

"You guys, Puck's waking up," Artie called.

"Matha fuckin band gicks..." Puck said incoherently, holding his head, and rolling off Artie. "Owfuck."

"It's ok Puck." Quinn said, rushing over to him. "I got you..."

"Um, hello?" Sam said, standing over them.

"Shut up and go hold Kurt's purse." She snapped.

"Standing right here..." Kurt said.

"How do you feel?" She asked soothingly, ignoring Kurt.

"Like someone turned by brain into an egg and it's hatching." Puck said, rubbing his mohawk and trying to stand.

"Good to have you back, Mr. T." Ash said. "Ninja man kept looking at me like he wanted to shoot me, so I had to take the gun back from him. But the more people with weapons the better, I'll hand it back to you the moment you feel ready."

"What happened, where's Tina?" Puck asked, looking around. No one said anything, but from the looks on their faces, and especially on Mike's face, he got the idea. "Motherfucking SHIT!" Puck yelled, jumping up and down angrily and punching a locker. "Oh fuck me." He whined, holding his fist in his hand. He'd actually dented the locker quite a bit.

"It's tough, but the faster we get to that office, the less chance of someone else dying. We gotta keep moving." Ash said.

"Ash, can I talk to you?" Artie said weakly. "The rest of you guys go...we'll catch up."

"We shouldn't split up." Rachel said. "That's always when awful things happen."

"It'll just take a minute..." He said. "Brittany, come here for a second, will you?"

Brittany went over and sat on his lap, and he put his arms around her waist. "I love you, you know that right?" He whispered, and Brittany nodded.

"I love you too, you're my awesome sexy robot boyfriend." She said, and he smiled.

"Can I have a kiss goodbye?" He asked, his voice breaking a little.

"Why, you said you would catch up to us in a minute?" She asked, smiling.

"I know...just...please?"

Brittany nodded and placed her lips on his. Artie put his hand behind her head, kissing her deeply and lingering his mouth on hers. He smiled numbly. "Thanks...ok, go with Santana now. Rachel's right, we shouldn't split up." He said quietly. The rest of the group had continued on, but Santana had hung back for her friend. Brittany waved goodbye to him, and Santana put her arm around her.

"Bye Wheels." She said, smiling sadly at him. He nodded, and her and Brittany disappeared around the corner.

"We don't need to do this now." Ash said, once he thought they were out of hearing distance.

"Yes we do." Artie said gravely. "It's trying to get in me...I can feel it. It's fucking clawing at me...I can't hold it off anymore and I won't hurt anyone." He swallowed and took of his glasses, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "There's medical supplies in the back of my chair, take them."

"I'm sorry about this kid." Ash said, reloading and checking the rifle. "Real fuckin sorry."

"Just don't let anyone else die. Especially her." He said thickly. He closed his eyes and when he opened them a second later, they were milky white. Before he could open his mouth to make a whimsical threat, Ash had fired.

Even down the hallway, they could still here the gunshot.

"Artie!" Brittany exclaimed, trying to turn back to him. Santana grabbed her arm and held her tightly. "No..." She sobbed.

"I'm so sorry Britts." Santana said. "But I'm going to protect you now. "

Ash walked solemnly back to them, gun holstered onto his back. He handed Kurt a bloodstained back pack he'd found in the hallway. "Medical supplies in here." He said simply, before continuing to lead their group down the halls.

Everyone walked numbly after Ash, refusing to think about the friend they'd just lost. They couldn't think about it, not if they wanted to get out of the school alive. In their own way, everyone started pushing their feelings down, far away into a place they couldn't reach. They found something else to think about, something different for everyone.

Santana thought about Brittany, and how she'd been denying her feelings for her friend for so long. She wasn't going to that anymore. If they got out of this alive, Santana and her were going to be together for real.

Puck thought about Beth. He hadn't let himself think about her much since summer, when he and Quinn decided they were going to put everything behind them and move on. He had Shelby's number, and the moment he got out of here alive he was going to see her.

Mike was thinking about how he was going to rip apart every last deadite he could get his hands on, and rip them apart until they were nothing but leaking, wiggling bits of bodies on the floor.

Sam thought about how he should probably be more upset that Quinn had just told him they were over...but he wasn't. He'd been unsure about what he felt for her for a while now...she was nice, and pretty...he knew he liked her, but there was no real spark between them. Sam was thinking about how afraid he was, but not of the deadites. He thought about Karofsky's bloody final words, and he looked at Kurt, feeling a nervous bubbling rise in his stomach. If he was being honest with himself, all he was really thinking about was how much he wanted him right now.

Kurt was thinking that he was done with being the goddamned victim. People had pushed him around his entire life, and he'd taken it. No fucking more. If he was going down, he was going down clawing the milky white eyes out of some deadites skull.

Rachel thought about the jazz band, and how she'd ignored them. She was always so focused on herself, being the star, the centre of attention...she put herself before everyone else. She looked around at the group of people she was with, and wasn't even sure she could call any of them her friends...not really. In the back of her mind, she'd always secretly thought of them as her competition. Tina, Artie and Mercedes were dead and they had Mike, Brittany and Kurt to mourn them. Who would mourn her when she died? Finn maybe...but she'd never really believed she meant much to him.

Finn was wishing that the food in the cafeteria hadn't been rotted because he was really hungry right now.

Brittany was trying to stop herself from crying. Not from sadness, but from complete and utter confusion. Artie had _said_ he'd catch up to her. He'd_ said_ so and he never lied to her (she was discounting the time with the magic comb- that had been done with nice intentions). But then the gun shot...and Santana saying she was going to protect her. And Artie hadn't come back. She was confused and afraid and just wished she had Artie with her to explain what was happening. But Artie hadn't caught up...

Quinn was angry, about a lot of things. She was angry that she'd made a mistake with Sam (she'd chosen him over Puck and Finn and he'd turned gay on her), and she was angry that she was probably going to die (she couldn't die- she still needed to win prom queen! Fat chance of that happening with her fabulous gay boyfriend…) and she was angry that they were just wandering around following some witless moron who was probably even more brain dead than the monsters he claimed to be able to fight.

"How are we going to find Sue's office if everything's rearranged itself?" Quinn snapped, walking quickly next to Ash.

He shrugged. "I'm looking for a horde of deadites. They'll probably be wherever the centre of the evil is."

"What, we're actually looking for deadites?" Kurt cried. "Why would we do that?"

"I just told you that, Fancy-Kurt." Ash said. "We're looking for where the evil's set up camp, and since these demons are evil's groupies, they'll most likely be wondering around there."

"Wonderful..." Kurt said sullenly.

They came to a three way intersection in the hallway and looked at Ash. "Which way should we go now?" Rachel asked.

"Which way did the office use to be?" Ash asked, and Quinn pointed to the left. "Right it is." He said. They walked down the hallway to the right, everyone sullenly keeping to themselves. After a few minutes of walking, they began to hear noises from off in the distance.

"I think we're getting close." Ash said excitedly. Kurt moaned, and Sam came and put his arm around him.

Quinn sneered at them for a moment, before mumbling "fuck it" and going to fuss over Puck, who was still walking a bit crookedly.

"Sorry to do this to you, Steroid Muscles, but I really need you to take the gun back now." Ash said, handing him the gun. "Try not to shoot Doe-Eyes."

His hands trembling, Puck took the gun from Ash. "I'll do my best." He said, and Quinn looked alarmed.

The noises got louder as they continued down the hall, and Ash turned to the rest of the group. "Alright, everyone buddy up." He said. Everyone looked at him, their eyebrows raised. Sam still had his arm around Kurt, Quinn was standing with Puck, Brittany and Santana were clinging to each other and Rachel and Finn were holding hands. "Right, ok, you've already done that." He glanced at Mike. "Ninja man, you're with me." He instructed. "Now we're going to be as quiet as possible until there's no way around making our presence known. When that happens, and the Deadites attack us, your main goal is for you and your buddy not to die. Secondary to that is killing Deadites, which is always helpful. But survival comes first, ok?" Everyone nodded.

Clinging to their buddies, everyone walked towards where the noises seemed to be coming from. Peaking around a row of lockers, they saw what looked like the door to Sue's office. A mass of Deadites thronged outside the office, cackling in small groups. A few of them had body parts with them, and were waving them around proudly. Three female deadites were playing jump rope with someone's large intestines.

"I think I'm going to vomit..." Rachel whispered, turning green.

"You better keep it quiet." Ash warned. Rachel nodded, opened a locker and stuck her head inside. Barely making a sound, she removed her head a second later, wiping her mouth.

"Nice going." Ash whispered approvingly.

"Thanks...whats the plan." She whispered back.

"Well...basically it's to get inside the office with as few of you dying as possible." He said.

"That's a terrible plan!" Sam hissed.

"I'm not really a plan person." Ash admitted apologetically. "I just sort of do things."

"We need a distraction." Puck whispered. "Something to call they're attention."

"Sure, if you're willing to throw yourself onto the hook that's a great idea." Ash said. "Anyone who chooses to be the distraction is dead meat."

"I'll do it." Mike said. "Tina's dead, everyone else still has somebody."

"I appreciate that Ninja man, but you're way to useful to lose right now." Ash said. "Same with you, Mr. T."

"I'll do it." Rachel said. "I'm no help to anyone."

"What? No!" Finn said, grabbing her into his arms.

"Listen Finn, someone needs to distract them. Now we can draw straws and force someone to do it unwillingly or you can let me do it."

"I don't like either of those options." Finn said.

"Too bad." Ash said. "We don't have any other ones available."

"Hey, she's a distraction not bait." Puck reminded them. "I'll cover her Finn." He said, holding up the rifle. "No one's putting their grubby corpse fingers on one of my fellow chosen people."

"Thanks Puck." Rachel said, smiling nervously.

Finn looked at him. "If you let her die, I'll kill you." He said.

"Noted." Puck said, loading the gun quietly.

"Wish me luck." Rachel said nervously, darting out from behind the lockers. The deadites turned to look at her, and she opened her mouth.

_I'll be your distraction_

_I'll be your distraction_

_There's a field nearby_

_With words written in stone_

_My love will not die_

_Please let it be known_

_This place is dead_

_It echoes through town_

_There isn't one voice_

_I haven't heard a sound_

_The planes flew in_

_Their bombs did too_

_The city fell flat_

_The fires, they grew_

_When the smoke comes in_

_It'll color this town_

_But I'll still have you_

_So I'll say it aloud_

Rachel sang, backing up slowly down the hallway. The deadites turned away from Sue's office, focusing on Rachel. They seemed vaguely mesmerized.

_I'll be your distraction_

_I'll be your distraction_

_The friendship we made_

_Is a waste of our time_

_There's no one left here_

_To show future that's kind_

_It's a world of hate_

_Gone incredibly wrong_

_We cared too late_

_We just followed along_

As Rachel sang, she motioned for them to come. Slowly, the filed out from behind the lockers and began making there way to the door. Rachel raised her voice, trying to cover the sound of their footsteps with her singing.

_And the boys went down_

_With a gun in their hand_

_Their weapon of choice_

_Their knees in the sand_

_If that field nearby_

_Was still there to be used_

_Would you ever have known?_

_Those words were for you_

_I'll be your distraction_

_I'll be your distraction_

One deadite broke out of it's trance and lunged at Rachel. She squealed as it's head blew up in front of her face, spraying purple goo all over her. She kept singing, and edging her way down the hallway.

_I'll be, I'll be yours_

_I'll be, I'll be yours_

The deadites had noticed them now, and while a few still stared at Rachel, they had begun to attack. The female ones playing jump rope had formed the intestine into a lasso and roped Brittany around the waist. Quinn through herself at the one holding the intestine, tackling it to the ground and Santana quickly freed Brittany and pulled her towards Sue's office. All the while, Rachel continued to sing. Her voice was shaking and afraid, but determined.

_I'll be your distraction_

_I'll be your distraction_

Mike had taken on three deadites at a time, punching and kicking with insane abandon. One of them got the upper hand, and was ripping at his shirt, cackling about loving Chinese food, when Finn ripped it off of him and threw the deadite against the row of lockers. He reached his arm back and punched it in the face, his fist digging into's its head and causing grey brains and yellow blood to ooze out over his hand.

"Thanks." Mike said, jumping to his feet.

_I'll be your distraction_

_I'll be your distraction_

Kurt had grabbed a deadite in a letterman's jacket, and shoved his head into a locker. He slammed the locker door closed repeatedly until he was just slamming the door against squishy purple goo. Sam pulled him away from the locker.

"Dude, it's dead." He said, picking Kurt up and slinging him over his shoulder. He carried Kurt kicking and screaming that he wanted to keep fighting into Sue's office.

_I'll be, I'll be yours_

_I'll be, I'll be yours..._

Puck was shooting deadites away from Rachel, ignoring the rest of the fray. He'd seen Quinn duck into the office after helping rescue Brittany, so Rachel was his only priority. No matter how many he shot down, the horde of deadites in front of her never seemed to get any smaller.

Finn tried to get through them, but the moment he got too close they clawed at scraped at him. One landed a clean shot on his face, ripping a thin line next to his eye. "There's too many, I can't get to her." Finn said holding the bleeding side of his face.

"No, you can't." Ash said. "Get inside."

Puck shot a few more times, ignoring him. Finn seemed to be doing the same thing, and Ash grabbed him by his collar and pulled him into the office. Unable to think of anything else to do, Puck followed.

Once everyone was safely inside the office, and Finn turned to Ash. "I'm going back out for her." He said, trying to open the door back up.

"No way Lover Boy," Ash said, grabbing him. "I'll get her." He tugged the string of his chain saw, and opened the door with one hand, exiting quickly and slamming it shut behind him. Through the door they could hear cackling and screaming, and the sound of flying body parts hitting the lockers. A moment later, Ash returned, carrying Rachel over his shoulder. They were both covered in multi-colored Deadite blood and guts.

"Get the bandages, one of them bit her." Ash instructed, lying Rachel on the floor.

"Oh god, she's not going to turn into one of them, is she?" Sam asked, horrified. Finn grabbed the bandages from Kurt and began wrapping Rachel's arm up.

"They're Candarian demons, not zombies." Ash said, rolling his eyes.

"They're what?" Kurt asked, stopping Finn from bandaging Rachel. He unravelled the bandage and cleaned her wound up with some antiseptic toilettes, and then proceeded to re-bandage her.

Ash shrugged. "I dunno. I heard the guy who summoned them call them that. He was a fancy professor, so I assume he knows his shit."

"If he was so smart, why'd he summon a bunch of freaky ass demons in the first place?" Santana asked.

"I don't think he did it on purpose." Ash said, looking around the office. "It doesn't seem very evil in here." He said. A moment later, a loud gunshot went off, making him jump up in the air. "What the hell, Mr. T?" He screamed, looking at Puck.

"Wasn't me." Puck shrugged.

"It was me, you large chinned son of a Neanderthal." A voice from behind them said. They turned around to see Sue Sylvester standing on her desk, holding a smoking rifle. She had ripped the sleeves of her track suit off, and she was covered from head to toe with grime and deadite blood. Around her neck she had what looked like a necklace of deadite fingers, a few of which were still wiggling.

"Damn, Coach Sylvester is badass." Puck said, staring in awe.

"You bet your mohawk I am." She sneered, blowing smoke off the tip of her gun. "Now what in Madonna's name are you merry misfucks doing in my office?"

* * *

A/N: Ash references the Blair Witch Project, which came out in 1999, after Ash's time in the 80's….but since he's hanging out with the kids from Glee, we're just going to pretend he exists now.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

After a lot of yelling, staring, glaring and name repetition, Ash and Sue seemed to be able to form some sort of bond. They both disliked the other, but could sense a common badassery that made them respect each other. However, this bond was not helpful to anyone, since Ash still didn't want to just _ask _Sue what she needed to know, and Sue didn't want to ask them what they needed in a way that might imply she either cared, or was going to _help _them.

So they just stood there and glared at each other.

"Look this is ridiculous_!_" Kurt finally cried, unable to watch them try to stare the other down any longer. "Coach Sylvester, is there _anything_ in this office that might be attracting hordes of the semi-dead/fully-disgusting to it?" He asked.

Reluctantly, Sue turned away from Ash to look at Kurt. "Like what, Porcelain?"

Ash snorted. "Heh, Porcelain." He nodded approvingly at Sue. "Good one."

"Bite me Eyebrows." Kurt snapped.

"Yeah!" Sam added. Kurt turned and raised an eyebrow at him, and Sam looked embarrassed. "I mean-" He looked at Sue. "Like anything you've bought recently?" He asked, staring at her with a determined expression.

Sue scratched her head, thinking. "Well, on a whim I did recently purchase the entire collected works of Kool and the Gang." She looked at Ash. "Could that be evil?"

Across the office, still holding Rachel on the floor, Finn gasped in protest.

"I was thinking something more like a Nigerian tribal mask, or a blood amulet, or maybe like some ancient scrolls or something." Sam amended.

Sue thought for a moment, and then went over to her desk. "You mean something like this?" She asked. They gathered around her desk, watching as she unlocked it and took out the most disturbing looking book any of them had ever seen. The cover was made of what looked like coarse leather, shaped in a way that made it almost like look a face. Infact-

"Oh god are those _teeth?_" Kurt asked, staring at the book. "Is that..._skin?_"

"Very good, Queer-Eye." Ash said, clapping him on the back. "It is indeed. This my friends," He said, tapping the book with his chainsaw. "Is the 'Necronomicon Ex Mortis,' more commonly know as 'The Book of the Dead.' Bound in human flesh, and inked in human blood, it's said to possess the power to create portals to other worlds and unleash an all consuming evil upon blah blah and so on." He looked at Sue. "How did you get this?"

Sue narrowed her eyes. "My sources are confidential."

"Really now? You know, what I find is funny about the end of the world, is how things like 'confidentiality' just sort of fall by the wayside, along with flossing and changing your underwear."

"Oh _ew._" Kurt said. He leaned back against the wall, sinking down to the floor.

Ash gave him a sympathetic look. "It's a harsh world Fancy-pants." He turned back to Sue. "Now, where did you get this?"

Sue looked around a bit, as though debating whether or not to shoot him, or answer. She sighed. "eBay."

"...The fuck?" Finn asked, looking over from his spot on the floor.

Santana shook her head. "This is so ridiculous."

Brittany hung her head. "My parents tried to sell be on eBay once." She said sadly. "They listed me under 'Lawn Furnishings.'"

Ash scratched his head with his good hand, ignoring everyone's comments and looking concerned. "I always feared this day would come..." He said. "The Deadites have gone wireless."

"That sounds _so _bad..." Sam commented, sitting next to Kurt on the floor. He looked at him, as if to confirm that it did indeed sound bad. Kurt nodded.

"Dragon Lady-" Ash said, looking at Sue. "Do you have a laptop in here?"

Sue shook her head. "I get the computer geeks to help me with my online needs."

Ash cursed. "Damn it. If only we had a laptop."

"What would we do with a laptop?" Kurt asked.

"Oh, you can do anything with a laptop." Sam said. "And Jeff Gouldblume." *

"I want to go onto eBay and investigate who sold Ramba here that book." Ash explained, ignoring Sam.

"Why?" Rachel asked, sitting up a bit.

"Because the Necronomicon Ex Mortis is the reason why all of this is happening. It commands the deadites, and as far as I can tell, tells them where they should be fucking shit up. I want to know how it got here." He eyed the book angrily. "That goddamned book..."

"Do you think- I mean, does the book have any information on how to get _rid _of the deadites?" Asked Rachel.

"Yeah, I mean you said it opened portals and junk, right?" Sam said, getting up. "Maybe it says how to open a portal that'll like suck them away."

Ash looked at them. "Yeah, it's got that stuff in there."

"Well that's great then!" Sam said. He looked at Ash, who didn't seem as excited. "Isn't it?"

"Oh it's great alright. Let's go read it, shall we?" Ash said, picking up the book. He opened it up, and then scratched his head. "Hey, none of you guys happen to read Candarian, do you?" He asked, his voice heavy with sarcasm. He tossed the book to Sam, who saw that the writing was all in some weird ancient symbol language.

"Fuck." Kurt muttered, looking over Sam's shoulders.

"So what do we do?" Santana asked.

Ash looked at them all, and set his jaw. "We fight. Kill as many of those things as possible, and then blast our way out of this place if we have to. I'll take the book and try and find someone who knows about this shit, and hopefully they can figure out how to send those creeps away for good. Until then, the most important thing is getting it away from here."

"Woah woah woah wait." Finn said, getting up and helping Rachel to her feet as well. "You mean you want us to go near those things again?"

"Well, usually you have to go near something to kill it." Ash said. "Unless any of you have been practicing voodoo."

Brittany looked at Santana, who looked away, whistling innocently. Everyone stared at her. "What?" She said. "Obviously it didn't work, since Q still has her hair."

"Uhh!" Quinn cried, her hands darting up to her hair.

Santana shrugged. "It was right after the whole head-cheerleader thing. I was in a bad place."

"I second Ash's plan." Mike said, leaning against the door.

"Me too." Kurt said. He made a fist with one hand, and slammed it into the open palm of the other. "Let's get out of here and kill shit."

"Uh, I object." Sam countered. "I don't like the plan where we fight hordes of the undead. I don't have any of my zombie survival equipment with me." Kurt looked at him, and again raised an eyebrow. Sam blushed. "Uh, I mean...I don't have zombie survival equipment. No, of course not..."

Kurt smiled. "That's too bad. I think nerdiness is kind of endearing." While Sam gaped, Kurt turned back to Sue, who was filing her nails with what looked like a deadite bone. "Where did you get that gun, and can you get us more?" He asked.

Sue stopped filing her nails, and put the bone down. She went over to the trophy case in her office and pushed it to the side, revealing a hidden staircase. "Follow me, Merry Misfucks." She said, beginning up the stairs.

Once they were all up the stairs, they looked at Sue. "Why do you have this room up here, exactly?" Quinn asked.

Sue looked at her. "That is on a need to know basis only Q, and you do not need to know."

"I think the more important question is why did we come up here?" Kurt asked.

"Hey, who are you to decide that your question is more important?" Puck growled, glaring at him.

"He's the one asking the relevant questions, is who he is." Sam shot back.

Puck looked like he was about to shout something back, when a shrill whistle interrupted them. They turned to find Coach Sylvester standing in front of a large cabinet of guns.

Everyone's jaw dropped in unison (except for Brittany, who had found a mini-frige, and was now helping herself to a pudding cup).

"Oh my god..." Puck said, looking awed. "I think I just got hard."

Kurt glanced at Sam, who raised his eyebrows. They smirked at each other.

"Why do you have all this stuff?" Rachel asked, walking over and looking at the guns.

"I've been preparing for a situation like this since my early teens." Sue said. "To be honest, I thought it would be the Russians."

"That's not very nice..."

Sue glared at her. "It's not a very nice world, is it?"

"Enough with the chit-chat, we've got guns, let's take them and go!" Kurt said, bounding towards the weapons. Ash stuck his arm out, and Kurt smacked into it. _"Oof!" _

"Not so fast, Fancy pants." Ash said. "Have you ever even _seen _a gun before?"

"No, so what?" Kurt asked, rubbing his chest.

"So guns aren't as easy to shoot as they make it seem in the movies." Puck said. "There's kickback."

"So what, I just don't get a weapon?" Kurt asked.

"What about these?" Brittany asked, pulling open the doors of another cabinet. Inside, the walls of the cabinet were lined with different knives and swords.

"Woah." Sam said, looking at them.

Kurt looked at Ash. "Can I?"

Ash sighed. "Yeah just don't cut yourself."

They all went over to the different cabinets, choosing their weapons.

"There are so many pointy things..." Kurt said, trying to decide what looked most lethal (but manageable).

"Hey you can twirl batons, right?" Sam asked. "I mean, I've seen you do it with like drumsticks and stuff, and you were a cheerio?"

Kurt nodded. "Yeah, why?"

Sam picked up a pair of small, but sharp looking knives with funny handles. "Try these, you can spin them like batons."

Kurt took the mini-swords in his hands, and gave them a try. They were surprisingly easy to whip around, and he spun them a few times around his fingers, before stopping and catching them by the handle. "Woah." He said, looking at the knives. "What are these?"

"There called 'sai'." Sam told him, looking impressed. "Raphael used them."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "The painter?"

"What?"

"Hey, Froggy-lips." Santana said, trying to get Sam's attention. "What's this called?"

She was examining an impressive looking dagger, attached to a horizontal handle.

"Oh, that's a Push Dagger." Sam said. He took it from her, and then positioned her fingers over the handle. "Here, you grip it like this."

Santana nodded, gripping the handle tightly in her fist. She turned and made a few uppercutting motions with her arm, getting a feel for the blade. "Sweet."

Across the room, Rachel was picking out a shield that was light enough for her to lift, while Puck and Ash went over what kind of a weapon to give someone like Finn.

"No way he can be trusted with a gun." Puck said.

"Obviously not," Ash agreed. "But I don't want to give him a blade either. What if he falls and lands on it?"

"Maybe we can give him something like Brittany's got." Puck suggested, nodding to wear the blond was practicing wide swings with a quaterstaff.

Ash seemed to consider this, but still looked skeptical. "I dunno, he could still bonk himself on the head with it..."

"You guys know I can hear you, right?" Finn said, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm right here."

"Can it skyscraper, we're thinking." Ash snapped, rubbing his chin.

"Um, I have a suggestion." Rachel said, having found a shield she could lift comfortably (and it had a _star _on the front!) "Here." She said, handing Finn a baseball bat. "It's simple, but effective, and easy to manoeuvre."

Finn swung the bat a few times, grinning. "Thanks, Rache."

"Nice going Superstar." Ash said, nodding approvingly.

Rachel beamed.

Having dealt with the Finn problem, Puck now went over to the gun cabinet, where Quinn was examining the guns. "Didn't you hear Ash tell Kurt no guns for the people who've never used them?"

"I don't care." Quinn said, her brow furrowed. "I want a gun."

"And I want my left hand back," Ash said, closing the cabinet in front of her. "Life's tough."

"Looks Eyebrows," Quinn snapped, shoving her face in front of Ash's. "I've pushed a _live human being _out of my body alright? I think I can handle a gun."

Ash was about to point out the lack of logic in that statement, but behind her Mohawk Man was shaking his head, and he decided not to argue. "Alright, fine." He said, opening the cabinet back up. He looked through the guns, and then handed one to Quinn.

"Here, a Beretta 380 caliber with a tip up barrel." He said. "It's small, and should be pretty easy to handle. Mohawk Man, teach her how to use it."

Puck nodded, and began showing Quinn the safety features, and how to reload.

Ash looked around the room, and saw the blond kid sitting by himself, resting his chin on his knees. He went over, and sat down beside him. "So, what kind of weapon you go?" He asked.

He lifted up a sheathed katana sitting next to him, then put it back down. Ash nodded. "I see. You know how to use one of those?"

He shrugged.

Ash rolled his eyes. "Ok, Come on." He said, making a 'come here' gesture with his hand. "Tell me what's wrong."

Sam glanced sideways at him, and then back to what he'd been looking at before, not saying a word. Ash followed his gaze, and saw he was staring at Fancy Pants, who was actually wielding the sai he had pretty impressively. "Ah, I see." He said, scratching his head. "You know, you could both die today, right?"

Sam looked at him. "Uh, if you're trying to make me feel better-"

"Nope, that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm just letting you know that if you were ever planning in growing a pair and making a move, this might be the last chance you have to do it."

Sam frowned. "But...what if he doesn't like me?" He whispered.

Ash resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Kid, it might be the end of the fucking world soon. And even if its not, like I said, you could both _die _today. I may not know a lot about people, but I do know that when you're faced with death and someone's offering to hook up with you before that happens, whether or not you _like _them becomes a non-issue."

The kid continued frowning, and looked back over at his friend. Obviously that wasn't what he wanted to hear. Ash sighed. "Look, if it makes you feel better, seeing how he looks at you, I'm pretty sure he does like you."

"What?" He said, looking back at him with wide eyes. "How does he look at me?"

"Uh, you know those big puppy dog eyes you were just looking at him with? Kinda like that."

As the blond kid thought this over, Ash spotted another sad face across the room, and got up to go see what was wrong, since apparently he was Dr. Phil now. "Alright Ninja Man, lay it on me. What's wrong with _you?_"

Mike looked at him, and raised his eyebrows. "My girlfriends dead, and so are two of my friends and teammates. The rest of them will probably die too, and even if we make it out of here alive who knows what kind of shape the rest of the city is in. Everyone else could be dead already, just like all our classmates and teachers. And I don't even _know _what happened to our glee coach. He's just- not anywhere."

"Oh yeah." Brittany said, still swinging around her quaterstaff. "I forgot about Mr. Schue."

"Oh, I ran into a deadite-Shuester around 10:00 this morning." Sue said. "I tried to cage him, so I could study him and see if his hair had taken on any sentient life of its own, but he got away." She shrugged. "Too bad...I did manage to catch me some deadite cheerios for a while, but sadly they too left." She frowned. "And they took my cage with them."

Ash raised his eyebrows. "Oh _you're _the one responsible for that."

Sue shrugged again. "Guilty as charged, Neanderthal man."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the ninja dude sulk away. "Hey, woah wait up there." He said, following him to the other corner of the room. "Look, I uh, know a bit about how you feel." He said.

The kid raised an eyebrow. "I seriously doubt that."

Ash looked away, and stuck his hand into his pocket. He pulled out a silver necklace, with an elegant clear pendant. He handed it to the kid. "Her name was Linda." He said quietly.

Mike took the pendant, looking it over. "What happened?"

"What do you think? They got her." He said, his voice empty. He swallowed. "I know losing your girl like that hurts, but consider yourself lucky. At least she got a nice, clean death. At least she didn't...become one of them."

"Is that what happened to Linda?"

Ash nodded. "And the rest of my friends."

"You had _friends?_"

Ash glared. "Yeah I had friends."

Mike nodded, thinking about that. "How do you get through it? All of it- the dying, the fucked up monsters...how do you do it?"

Ash shrugged. "I don't really know, Ninja Man. You just do. I mean, it's not like we really have a choice, right? You do what you have to do to get through. It's all anyone can do."

"What if I can't?" Mike asked, his voice sounding small in his own ears.

"Well, you've gotten this far, haven't you?" Ash said. "Might as well go the rest of the way."

*Reference to the movie Independence Day, where Jeff Gouldblume takes down an alien spaceship with his macbook.

I apologize to any russians reading this.


	9. Chapter 9

**Uh, four to five buckets of blood, I guess. **

Chapter 9:

Sue's room had a second entrance, which led into where Principle Figgins office was. Or, where Principle Figgins office used to be. They made their way down the stairs quietly, trying not to think about what they were planning. When they got to the door, Ash paused and looked around. "Everybody ready?"

"No." Finn said. "I'm still against this."

"Noted." Kurt replied. "Now let's go."

"Wait, who's got the stuff?" Ash asked.

"Me." Rachel said, turning around to show the backpack she was wearing. "I'll keep it safe." She said, holding her shield up.

"And I'll keep you safe." Finn said, choking up on his bat.

"You remember everything I told you?" Puck was asking Quinn.

"Point the gun at the monster, pull the trigger?" Quinn said, tying her blond hair up in a tight pony tail. She swept her bangs out of her eyes, smirking at him.

"No, I mean-"

"Relax Noah." She said. "Trust me."

"So, uh just to be clear, what's the plan exactly?" Sam asked. Everyone turned to Ash.

"I thought we went over this." Ash said, exasperated. "I don't do 'plans' I just..._do_."

"Fine, then here's _my _plan." Kurt snapped. Everyone shifted attention. "We get out there and start _killing _them. Meanwhile, Rachel and Finn help Sue with the explosives and try and find a way to blast through a wall without burning as all up in the explosion-"

"Not a problem, Porcelain." Sue said, cutting him off. "I've been an expert on controlled demolition since I was just a wee little boy."

Kurt nodded. "I'm not going to question any of that. Alright, so they explode the walls-"

"Wait, that could seriously mess with the structure of the building." Puck said. "You know, blasting holes. The whole thing could fall down on us."

"If we don't find a way out, then eventually the deadites will get the rest of us." Mike said. "Just like they got Mercedes, Artie-" He looked away. "And Tina. So are options are do something, and maybe die, or do nothing and definitely die."

"Those are like, the worst options ever." Finn said.

"Look Kurt's told us his plan-" Sam began.

"An _awful _plan." Finn interrupted.

"Have you got a better one?" Sam asked. Finn shook his head. "Alright, so Kurt's plan is the only we have. Now do you guys want to hang around here and gab about it some more, waiting for them to decide which of us is weakest and possess us or whatever, or do you want to get shit done?"

"Let's kill those candari-bitches!" Brittany shouted, pumping her fist in the air.

"Alright then, everyone listen to the blond." Ash approved. He looked around at them all one more time, and opened up the door.

Ash went out first, circling the hallway before gesturing that it was clear. Puck and Mike went next, followed by Sam and Kurt.

"Where the hell are they?" Kurt whispered to Sam, who shrugged.

"They'll come when we start drilling." Sue replied. "Barbra, give me the backpack."

Rachel nodded, and took the pack off her back, handing it to Sue.

"Drilling, what are we drilling?" Quinn asked.

"Holes in the walls, to contain the explosions." Sue explained. She took out a a large drill, followed by a pair of work goggles. "Safety first."

Kurt frowned. "Can't we go _find _them first?"

"Guys-" Brittany said, staring off in the distance.

"What?" Puck said, staring at Kurt. "Why the _hell _would we do that?"

"You guys, I think-"

"Because half the plan is to take down as many of those things as possible!" Kurt said angrily.

"The plan is to get out!"

"You guys I really think you should listen-"

"That's only _half the plan!_"

"Yeah, the more important half-"

"GUYS!" Brittany screamed, her face red. Puck and Kurt stopped screaming at each other, and looked at her. "I think I hear something."

They all stopped to listen then, and heard that Brittany was right...from round the corner they heard a steady beating sound. Puck furrowed his brow. "What is that?"

"I dunno..." Finn mumbled, trying to listen. "It doesn't sound like the usual threats and insults..."

"Whatever it is, let's go kill it before it kills us." Kurt said, stepping forward. He gagged as Ash grabbed onto the back of his shirt, yanking him back.

"Stay." He commanded.

Kurt glared at Ash, rubbing his throat sorely. He wheezed a bit, obviously trying for some sort of retort.

"He's not a dog, dude." Sam spoke up in Kurt's defence. Kurt pointed at him, nodding in agreement.

The sound was getting louder now, and they all huddled closer together, around Sue who had stopped drilling when Brittany has shouted. "I think I know what that sound is." She said slowly.

Quinn nodded. "Yeah, me too." She bit her lip, looking at Brittany and Santana. "It sounds like...clapping, doesn't it?"

"Oh god, they're going to clap us to death?" Finn asked, horrified.

"Don't be stupid, dude." Puck shot back. He turned to Ash. "They can't like, _give _us the clap, can they?" He asked, looking worried. "Like with demonic magic?"

Ash looked at Puck for a moment, trying to decide how best to answer that. "Yes, Mr. T, yes they can."

Puck gulped.

"Wait-" Santana said, holding her up hand. "It's _not _just clapping..." She furrowed her brow. "It sounds like _cheering._"

They looked at each other, listening with baited breath as the noise got louder, and became distinct. The clapping was rhythmic, pounding out a beat. It was accompanied, like Santana had said, by an upbeat chanting.

_...1, 2, 3, 4 Glee club blood is gonna pour! 5, 6, 7, 8 You're gonna die and we can't wait!..._

"Oh god..." Quinn said, her eyes wide. "It's them. It's the rest of the cheerios."

"Everyone with guns, get to the front." Mike instructed. "Melee weapons are second wave." He, Ash, Sue, Puck and Quinn all moved forward.

"Woah woah woah." Puck said, putting a hand on Quinn's arm. "Woah."

"Woah _what?_" She asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"No way are you going to the front lines."

"Why?" She shouted. "Because I'm a _girl? _Because I'm too _delicate? _Too bad, Puck, none of that matters now. This is kill or be killed and the rules are out the fucking window. We could _all _die today- we could all die _right now-_"

"Yeah, and the odds of that happening go UP the closer you're standing to the fucked up monsters when they first attack!"

"So? What makes me different from Mike, or Sue? Is it because you think they're tougher then me? Or because you don't think I can _handle _myself? Or because-"

"It's because I _love _you, Quinn!" Puck shouted. "And if you die, I won't have the will to fight anymore. I'll have nothing to live for. If you die, I will too. I know it."

Quinn looked stunned. "I-"

"We don't have time for this!" Ash barked, looking over his shoulder. "Doe Eyes, get to the second line! Mr. T, get your ill-timed ass up here!"

Puck and Quinn exchanged quick glances, and did as they were told.

"You better live, Puckerman," Quinn grumbled, standing next to Brittany and Santana. "'Cause we are _not _through talking about this."

He was facing away from her now, and even though she couldn't see it, Puck smiled.

They all stood still, holding tightly onto their weapons as they stared at the corner where the cheers were coming from. Quinn cocked her gun, and Puck loaded a bullet into his. Santana held her dagger up, ready to strike and Brittany took a step closer to her, her quarter staff held out in front of them both. Ash, Sue and Mike all took steps forward- Kurt made an attempt, but Sam held him back.

Ash readied the one handed grip he had on his gun. He glanced at Sue. "After we've taken down a chunk of 'em, you gotta get back to drilling."

Sue nodded, never taking her eyes off the corner.

Behind the second line, Finn stood in front of Rachel, who had her shield up in front of her.

Finn told himself that if they got out of the this, the first thing he was going to do was tell Rachel how much he loved her, and how much she meant to him. He knew if he told her now, she would always think he was only saying it because he thought they were going to die- that wasn't what he wanted.

Behind the shield, Rachel was hugging the backpack against her as though it was a teddy bear, and not a bloodied rag containing the most evil book known to man. She sung a Barbra Streisand song inside her head, the only way she could think to handle the fear gripping her heart with out passing out. _"Going down the stoney end...never wanted to go down the stoney end... "_

The cheering was almost deafening now, and so close they could smell the rotted odour that tended to hang around the deadites- something like freshly turned dirt, wet and sticky with blood.

Nine cheerio-deadites came around the corner- no, nine and a half. One had lost her legs, and was dragging herself across the ground by her arms, leaving a trail of purple and green slime as she went. They were all smiling the giant 1000-mega watt beamers that Coach Sylvester had made them practice in the mirror, threatening to staple their cheeks up if they couldn't get it right.

Quinn wished they would cut that out- there was something so wrong about being smiled at by someone without teeth, or with a mouth full of...what was that? Toes? Oh _lord..._

In perfect unison, the cheerites but their decayed hands on their rotted, but still perfectly sculpted hips, and began a new cheer.

"_Let's get fired up!_" The cheerite in the centre- Brittany recognized her as a former-girl named Heather, shouted.

"_Get rough, get tough, get mean!_" The rest of them responded, together.

"_Let's get fired up and kill them good,_" Heather continued.

"_I got dibs on the short ones spleen."_ The cheerite with no legs finished. She had a deep, mannish voice that had barely any expression in it. Rachel shivered, and held her shield up in front of her, the gold star decoration glinting in the fluorescent hallway lights.

"Everyone gets a turn," Heather cooed. "to have their very own gleek to burn." Her voice was high and sickly sweet, yet somehow distorted. It had the sound of razor blades hidden in candy apples for unsuspecting children to find on halloween.

"Oh god, is rhyming going to be like, a thing with them?" Kurt muttered. "Because that's _really _going to grate me."

"I like rhymes." Sam commented. "But the whole them trying to kill us thing takes moat of the fun out of it."

"Are you going to attack us any time soon?" Ash called. "I mean, we _would _make the first move but my Mamma always taught me _ladies first _so..."

The cheerites exchanged gruesome smiles. Heather looked at them and tilted her head harshly to the side in a way that would have snapped her neck, if she hadn't been you know, already dead and stuff. "_We are the Deadites, and we wanna win," _She recited. _"We did it once before and we will do it again, It won't matter if you make us mad, either way you'll die; your pathetic glee club will perish to the sounds of our battle cry." _

From behind Heather, the cheerites jumped forward (except the legless one- she sort of pounced forward...) and shouted "WE'RE GONNA SWALLOW YOUR SOOULLSS!"

The air was filled with the sound of gunfire and cackling- the cheerites laughed as the various bullets ripped through their bodies and continued forward. A few took off through the air, landing behind the first line. One lunged at Santana and Brittany, and was quickly knocked onto its back by Brittany's quaterstaff. In seconds Santana was kneeling in front of it, stabbing it repeatedly in the head with her push dagger.

Another flew past them all, heading straight for Rachel- and the Necronomicon.

"Your voice box shall be my new hat!" It cackled. "I will- _argggkkk-_"

The cheerite was knocked away from Rachel by Finn's bat, which had connected with it's cheek. The blow shattered most it's face, and it's cracked jaw swung around as though on a hinge. Somehow it was already getting back up, and Finn swung at it again, this time smashing his bat into it's shoulder, which fell off with a sick _crunch. _Finn didn't stop, he kept swinging again, and again. Finally, when he'd beaten the monster down until it was nothing but a slimy pile of wiggling well-toned body parts, he paused and wiped the sweat off his brow. "Stay the hell away from my girl, you undead scum."

The lines had broken now, and everyone was fighting in groups of two or three.

Ash's chainsaw was roaring, slicing up Deadites as Puck and Mike held them steady in front of him. Sue had gone back to drilling, and Brittany, Quinn and Santana had formed a perimeter around her.

"Sam, look out!" Kurt cried, as Heather lunged towards him. Sam turned around too late, and Heather dug her fingers into his shoulder. He screamed in agony, as blood squicked out around Heathers fingers, and began to fall forward.

There was a voice somewhere in the back of Kurt's mind telling him to scream and pass out, but he ignored it in favour of following the directions of a louder voice screaming for him _kill fucking everything. _

He jumped quickly over Sam, stabbing his knives into Heathers shoulders and screaming loudly. Heather let out a piercing cry as he flung her backwards, pulling his knives out of her. He was over to her in a second, bringing the sai in a X shape across her torso, severing her in two. He lifted his arms up and was about to attack again when a pained groan from behind him distracted him. _Sam! _

He turned to around to see Sam struggling on the floor, holding a hand over the gashes in his shoulder. The voice in his head shouting _kill kill kill _silenced suddenly, and was replaced by one saying he needed to get Sam out of here _now. _

He put the sai in a holster on his back and grabbed Sam's shirt. Sam cried out in pain, and Kurt muttered a string of apologies as he dragged him towards a nearby class room. "Please be open, please be open," He prayed, keeping one hand on Sam as he went to open the door. It was, and he gathered what little strength he had left to drag Sam a few more feet, and they collapsed into the room.

"Dragon lady, how we doing on those explosives?" Ash yelled, ducking as a cheerites arm came flying at him.

"Almost drilled far enough!" She yelled back.

"Well go faster!" He demanded, revving his chainsaw back up.

"Bite me, Cave man!"

"Puck, I need to talk to you." Quinn said. They were back to back, circling slowly as they kept an eye out for on-coming attackers.

"Really? _Now?_" Puck hissed. Across the hall, a deadite slunk towards Finn and Rachel, and he took and aim and fired. It shot a hole through it's already deformed body, but the deadite remained standing. Puck cursed under his breath. "Why do they only explode _some _of the time?"

"Yes _now._" Quinn replied, holding her gun up by her face. "When you said you loved me, was that just adrenaline talking?"

"No, that was _love _talking." Puck said. Out of nowhere, another deadite jumped towards him and he smashed it away with his gun. He quickly emptied it and was in the process of reloading when Quinn stepped out and fired three quick shots along it's body. It fell to ground, where it was quickly dispatched by the team of Santana and Brittany.

"Wow, nice shooting." Puck said, impressed.

Quinn shrugged, and blew a bit of smoke off the tip of her barrel. She grinned. "I _so _always wanted to do that."

Puck grinned. "Come here," He said, grabbing Quinn by her waist. They were both covered in deadite blood and slime, and a battle raged around them- they brought their lips together anyways, kissing with a fired passion neither of them had felt since the first and last time they'd been together, in what felt like another life time. At the same time, it could have been just yesterday.

Inside the classroom, Kurt lay Sam back on the floor and went to hunt for supplies. The room they were in turned out to be the one that had been used for home-ec, and he was able to find a few rolls of paper towel, as well as some cooking sherry.

He settled on his knees a bit behind Sam, and lifted him up onto his lap. "This might sting a bit..." He said, pouring sherry on a square of folded up paper towel.

"What is it?" Sam asked, sounding weary.

Kurt hesitated. "Uh...it's cooking sherry..."

"Cooking sherry?" Sam coughed. "Will that work?"

"I'm not sure, actually." Kurt admitted. "But, cooking sherry is ethyl alcohol...they use ethyl alcohol in antiseptic..."

Sam sighed. "Just do it." He mumbled.

Kurt nodded, and pressed the paper towel against Sam's wounds. Sam's body jerked in pain, and he let out an agonized groan.

"I'm so sorry," Kurt whispered, cleaning up the wound. "It'll be over soon, just hang on."

Sam nodded tensely, his face red. Kurt finished cleaning his shoulder and tossed the wetted paper towel away, grabbing fresh ones to press against the wound. Sam sighed and relaxed against Kurt.

"It's alright," Kurt whispered, brushing a piece of hair off Sam's sweaty forehead. "I'll take care of you." He trailed his fingers along the side of Sam's face, and then gripped Sam's hand tightly in his.

His shoulder was still bleeding, and it felt like it had been ripped off his body. He'd never been in more pain in his life. He felt Kurt squeeze his hand, and smiled a bit, thinking it was odd that he'd never been so happy, either.

* * *

**A/N: I know nothing about explosives, demolition or foundation so you know...whatever. **

**I think I need some Brittana in the next chapter...**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Brittany swung her quaterstaff sharply through the air, bringing it across the chest of a tall, lanky deadite with a _crack. _Once he was on the ground, Santana got to work slicing him up with her dagger.

The deadite swore and hissed at her, screaming terrible things and calling her mean-lady names.

"Hey!" Brittany barked, smacking her stick against his head. "That's no way to talk to a lady!"

Santana smiled up at her, her hand pausing on her dagger, which was currently buried into the deadite's jugular. "Thanks, Britt." She said. She pulled the dagger out, and they jumped back as blood spurted everywhere. Brittany noted that this ones blood was a bright orange colour. She smiled. She might not like these monsters very much, but at least their blood came in fun colours.

"Um, has anyone else noticed that we're not just fighting cheerio's anymore?" Finn asked, swinging his bat at three deadites who were clamouring around Rachel.

"I noticed," Brittany said. She motioned for Santana to join her by Finn's side, and the girl smirked and darted in front of one of the deadites. She held out her dagger, making upper cutting motions and trying to stab it, and the deadite walked backwards- and skewered itself on Brittany's staff.

Brittany grinned. "Who wants shish kebab?" She asked, swinging the stick around and offering the wriggling deadite to someone.

Ash nodded. "I could go for some," He said, his glinting as he sliced his chainsaw through the deadite-kebabob.

"Why didn't you say something, if you noticed?" Finn asked, still beating down one of his own deadites. Rachel stomped on another one's head with her shoe, trying to make it stop wiggling.

Brittany shrugged. "I don't know- probably because whenever I notice something, it usually something everyone else noticed like yesterday." She leaned on her staff, like a crutch. "I don't want to say something if it's gonna make me look stupid, right?"

"But-" Santana countered, wiping multi-coloured blood off her blade, against the tattered remains of her cheerio's skirt, "Sometimes you notice things no one else does, ever. And that's like, the opposite of stupid."

Brittany had to pause for a moment, because Santana _never _said nice things like that to her in front of other people- only when they were alone. She wondered what had changed-

"Blonde-girl, watch out!" Ash snapped.

Brittany turned around in time to see a a short, vaguely nerdy looking deadite with shark like teeth lung at her. "Oh..." She said, too stunned to react. _So much teeth..._

Before the deadite could reach her, she was knocked out of the way by Santana. She screamed, as the deadite instead sank it's sharp teeth into _Santana's _thigh. It took less then a second for Brittany to realize where she'd gone wrong, and she corrected it quickly. She'd been thinking before, and she hadn't reacted fast enough. She'd always known thinking was dangerous, which is why she preferred to not. Not thinking at all, she scrambled over to Santana and kicked her leg _hard _into the deadite's chest. "No," she shouted, tossing her quaterstaff away and sitting on the deadite's chest. She pulled her arm back and punched the deadite in it's stupid face with too much teeth. "No no no!"

"Easy Britt," Puck said, coming over and loading his gun. He aimed at the deadite's head. "I got it from here."

"No!" Brittany said again, this time to Puck. "This one is _mine._" She grabbed Santana's dagger from where she'd dropped it, and jammed it into the deadites skinny neck. Once she'd severed it's head, she stood up and bunted it down the hallway.

Puck looked impressed. "Alright, then."

Brittany nodded, and then rushed back over to Santana, who was lying on the floor, clutching her wounded leg. "Santana, are you alright?" She asked frantically. "Can you hear me? How many fingers am I holding up?" She quizzed, forgetting to hold up any fingers. "Walk away from the light Santana, I'm serious!"

Santana smiled, and put a hand on Brittany's shoulder. "Britt, calm down. I'm ok." She insisted.

Brittany sighed. "No light?"

She shook her head. "No...but remember that time I got that Brazilian wax, and said it was the most painful experience of my life?" She asked. Brittany nodded. She remembered very well. "Yeah, not anymore."

Brittany frowned. "Can I kiss you better?"

Santana gulped. She looked at the fight going on around her, and all her friends covered in different shades of blood. _Fuck the closest..._She thought, sitting up. She grabbed Brittany around the neck, and pulled her in. "You can sure as hell try," She said, pressing her lips against her. Brittany put her arms around Santana's shoulder, and wondered if kissing in public meant Santana could be her girlfriend now. She smiled against Santana's lips- that would be the best thing ever, if her best friend could be her girlfriend too.

"I love you Brittany," Santana whispered, tangling her fingers in her hair. "You're the only thing I've ever loved."

"I thought you said sex was the only thing you loved." She reminded her.

"I love you more then sex." Santana said.

Brittany smiled widely. "You're my best-girlfriend."

Santana nodded, smiling despite the intense pain in her leg. "Yeah, I-"

"What the hell is going on here?" Sue roared, tossing the mostly-dismembered body of a deadite out of the way. "We're fighting a _war _here and you two are exchanging valentines!"

"Coach Sylvester-" Quinn said, trying to defend her friends.

"Can it, Q." Sue snapped. "You and Puckerman were doing the same thing 10 minutes ago, and if Mike hadn't been there to stop those chess teamers you'd both be nerdite food!"

"Sorry, Coach, but this could be the last chance we ever get." Puck shouted, busy taking down a deadite with Mike.

"Look," Ash said, jumping in. "I get it, alright. There's nothing like killing an army of the undead to put you in the mood-" He said, looking around at them. Rachel made a face. "But from here on out, there is to be _no more _declarations of love? Kapiche?"

"Yes, Ash." They said together.

"Kurt, I need to tell you something." Sam whispered. He was leaning back against the wall now, his hurt arm elevated on one of his knees. Kurt was sitting next to him.

"Yeah?" Kurt asked, looking into Sam's eyes.

Sam swallowed, and looked back into Kurt's. "I do dye my hair," He confessed. "I lied."

Kurt put a hand on his face, leaning forward a bit as he laughed. "Oh my god..."

Sam smiled. "Sorry, I just needed you to know."

Kurt shook his head, his shoulders still shaking a bit. "Thanks, Sam." He said, chuckling. "I appreciate that, but honestly-" He bit his lip.

"What?"

He sighed. "I thought you were about to say you liked me or something." He whispered.

"Oh," Sam mumbled. He put his hand on Kurt's cheek. "I sort of thought that was obvious."

Kurt bit his lip, suppressing a smile. "I still wouldn't mind hearing it,"

Sam grinned, and Kurt thought he saw his cheeks turn a bit pink. "I like you, Kurt." He said, definitely blushing now. "I like you a lot and- I really wish I hadn't waited until now to tell you that." He looked away, swallowing a bit. "I was just scared, you know?" He smiled. "But 'scared' kinda has a new meaning now, what with the monsters from hell and all..." He looked back, and their eyes met. "But the whole day, I just kept thinking: 'I'm gonna die, and Kurt's never gonna know how I feel about him.' Never gonna know how much I think about him, or how I go over that conversation in the shower, where you broke off our duet, I go over it in my head and I wish so much I hadn't just let you go. I wish I'd fought for you- I _should _have fought for you-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Kurt's mouth was pressed against his, his fingers tangling in his hair, pushing him back against the wall behind him.

Sam's mouth hung open a bit, as Kurt pulled away, breathing heavily and smiling. He blinked rapidly. "Kurt, I- that- you-"

Kurt grinned, and pressed their foreheads together. "Now's probably a good time to shut up," He whispered.

Sam's lowered his eyes, focusing on Kurt's lips, just an inch away from his. "Oh. Ok. Yeah, I'm shutting up..." He murmured. He put his hand on the back of Kurt's neck, and pulled him in for a longer kiss.

"Where the fuck are Fancypants and Sugar Lips?" Ash snapped, slashing down another deadite. As usual, there seemed to be an endless supply of them.

"Uh, I dunno." Finn lied, looking away. He had seen Kurt drag Sam into a classroom down the hall, probably to deal whatever had happened to make Sam gush blood all over the place. Hopefully they'd also deal with whatever had been going on with them all day, and Finn thought he owed it to Kurt to cover for him...he'd sort of botched things up the first time around, with that duet project. But in his defence, how could he have known that Sam would _actually _turn out to be into dudes? There was no way he could have...

"We're almost ready to detonate," Sue informed them. "If Porcelain and Ladylips aren't here they better get here soon or we're leaving them behind."

Finn and Rachel exchanged nervous glances.

"Well," Rachel spoke up, sitting on the floor by Santana, who's leg she was bandaging up. "I think I saw them go down there, after Sam got hurt..."

Ash looked down the hallway, which did indeed have a trail of blood leading down it, and into the classroom they'd gone into. "What the hell they'd do that for?"

"Well, since all that blood came from _Sam _I'm going to guess something about that," Quinn snapped. As she spoke, she shoved her gun into a deadite's eye socket and fired, blasting off a good chunk of it's head.

Ash muttered what sounded like am imitation of Quinn under his breath, glaring at her out of the corner of his eye. "No need to be so _snippy_..."

"We need someplace to go," Sue said, coming away from the wall. "To get away from the blast."

"Perfect, we'll take a page from Fancy-Lips' book." Ash said, pointing with his gun down the hall. "Follow the blood trail."

Finn cursed under his breath. Well, hopefully they'd at least talked about stuff by now...

"Someone help me with Santana," Brittany commanded.

Puck and Mike both went over to her, and the three of them lifted the other girl up. They slung one of her arms around Mike's shoulder and the other around Puck's. Santana smiled at Brittany. "You take such good care of me,"

Brittany smiled, and Puck rolled his eyes. "Yeah, just ignore the guys actually carrying you...whatever..."

They made their way down the hall, and Ash put his hand on the doorknob.

"Wait!" Finn blurted. Ash raised an eyebrow at him. "Maybe we should knock?"

Ash look at him like he was nuts. "I don't _knock._" He said bluntly. Then he took a step back, and rammed his shoulder into the door, crashing it open and knocking away whatever barricades Sam and Kurt had put on the door.

A few of them filed in, but most froze in the doorway when they saw Sam and Kurt, who in turn seemed frozen as well.

Kurt was sitting in Sam's lap, straddling his thighs. They were both shirtless, and Sam had his hands on Kurt's pale back.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Kurt blurted.

Sam rubbed his back a bit, and Kurt gave him a helpless look. "I don't they're going to buy that."

A loud screech from the hall distracted them, snapping them back to their situation. "Oh yeah, deadites, right." Mike mummbled.

"I _told _you we should have knocked," Finn said, as they all filed the rest of the way into the room. Kurt was now hurriedly putting his shirt back on, and Sam was attempting to do the same with only one arm.

"Mohawk man and Skyscraper, re-barricade the door." Ash instructed. Then he turned to Sam and Kurt, who were wearing equally guilty expressions. "I am very disappointed in you. We've got a war going on, and you two are making whoopee."

"Actually, you interrupted us before we could get that far." Kurt pointed out.

"Yeah, thanks for that." Sam added.

"The point Neanderthal man is trying to make," Sue butt in, "Is that while we were fighting hordes of the undead, _you two _were in here getting your groove on."

"Exactly," Ash agreed.

"But Sam got hurt!" Kurt protested. He gestured to Sam's shoulder, which looked like it had been bandaged with paper towel and sellotape (it had). "I had to help him."

"And after you did that, you should have come back out!"

Quinn scoffed. "Would you have? If it was someone you cared about- that is, if you're capable of caring about someone."

"He is." Mike said.

Ash glared at him. "Ninja man, I told you that in confidence."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "My point is, if someone you cared about got hurt, would you have just been able to leave them alone, defenceless and in pain? I don't think so."

Ash through his arm and chainsaw up in the air, exasperated. "I give up! You goddamned kids and your hormones..." Suddenly his eyes went wide in horror. "Oh fuck, I'm my Dad..."

"Um, if I might turn your attention to something relevant?" Rachel spoke up. She looked at Sue. "I'm simply wondering as to when your bombs are going to-"

Rachel was cut off by a loud of explosion, which shook the entire room, sending everyone fall stumbling backwards. Sam and Santana screamed in pain as their wounds were aggravated by the shaking floor, and Kurt and Brittany put there arms around their respective love interests, holding onto them tightly until the room stopped shaking.

"Never mind." Rachel mumbled, as Finn picked her up off the floor.

"Everyone alright? Ash asked, looking around at them. Kurt was holding Sam's head against his chest, whispering that it was alright, and the shaking had stopped. Quinn and Puck were sort of leaning against each other, looking nauseous, Brittany was waving fingers in front of Santana's face.

"We're fine." Finn said, his arms on Rachel's shoulders.

"I'm fine too, in case anyone cares." Mike muttered.

There was a pause, and they all looked at each other. Brittany, following her usual plan of reacting instead of thinking, was the first to speak. "Of course we care!" She cried. She leapt over to Mike and wrapped her arms around him. "You're my favourite dancing buddy and I love you!"

"You've saved our butts a million times today!" Rachel agreed, throwing her arms around him as well.

Mike looked at Quinn and Puck, his eyes wide. "I don't know what's happening."

Puck grinned. "Group hug." He explained, before he and Quinn joined in, quickly followed by Finn and Kurt.

"Uh, Santana and I are hugging you in spirit." Sam said from his spot on the floor. Santana nodded.

Mike looked around at them, a wide smile on his face. "I love you guys."

"And we love you!"

"And I just swallowed my own vomit." Sue said, rolling her eyes.

Ash wrinkled his nose. "Eck,"

They broke apart, and Mike wiped his eyes. "We should, uh go." He said. "The dust should have settled enough by now..."

They nodded, and Puck and Mike both went back over to help Santana, while Kurt and Finn began lifting up Sam. Sticking close together, they moved away the door fragments and chairs that had been used to block the entrance, and made their way out into the rubble.

**THE END IS NEAR. **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

The air outside the classroom was thick and white, and Kurt coughed and waved his hand in front of his face. "Fuck," He muttered, squinting through the floating debris. Next to him, Sam coughed as well, and Kurt tried to wave away the dust from his face. Then he put his hand back on Sam's hip, trying to keep a firm grip on him.

"Uh, follow me," Ash instructed, and Kurt saw a blurry figure move towards his left.

"This is ridiculous," Puck mumbled, still holding up Santana with Mike's help. "I can't see a fucking thing."

"We can't wait any longer for the dust to settle," Mike said, stumbling forward to where he thought Ash was. "The deadites are probably on their way here right now. There's no way the blast didn't catch their attention."

"Mike's right," Ash said. "We need to go now."

Mike stared at him. "You called me Mike."

Ash rolled his eyes, turning away and starting through the fallen debris. "Well don't make it gay..." Behind him, Kurt gave an irritated cough. Ash glanced over his shoulder. "Stop swallowing the dust, it's bad for you."

Kurt glared at Ash's general direction.

They walked forward, stepping slowly and carefully and feeling around in front of them. Every now and then, Ash would yell something back to them to make sure they all knew where he was.

"I think we're near the wall Sue detonated," Ash yelled, kicking at a fallen chunk of plaster to clear the course for the others. "Everybody still with me?"

"I'm here," Mike choked, accidentally inhaling a mouth full of debris.

"Your chins been clearing a path for me, so I'm right behind you," Sue said. She looked around for the others. "Q? You and the lesbi-lovers still here?"

There was a chorus of replies from all three girls, who had all formed a line together with Puck. Quinn had her arm hooked around one of his, while he supported Santana with the other. Brittany had taken Mike's place on Santana's other side. "I'm a bi-lover though," Brittany added. Santana smiled at her.

Sue rolled her eyes. "Alright, what about Porcelain and Ladylips?"

"We're here," Kurt said, speaking on both their behalves. "But we need to get going- Sam's starting to pass out."

"M'fine," Sam mumbled, his head lolling slightly to one side. "Just...can't breath..."

"Alright, come on." Finn, hoisting Sam up for a better grip. Sam groaned, the violent movement sending sharp pains through his arm. "Rachel and I are both here, she's still got the book, and we need to keep going forward."

"It's warm," Rachel whispered, clinging to Finn's shirt as they continued on their way.

"Huh?" Finn asked, glancing down at her.

"The book," She said. "I can feel it in the bag...it's getting warm."

"Maybe its batteries are over-heating?" Finn suggested.

"Books don't run on batteries, Finn." Rachel said.

"Yeah, I know that, Rachel." Finn muttered. "But they don't usually have faces and teeth, either. And they don't heat up, or contain crazy rituals that create fucked up giggling monsters."

Rachel was quiet for a moment. "They are rather giddy, aren't they? I mean, for creatures from hell they're very...gleeful."

From inside the bag, the Necronomicon chuckled.

* * *

It was still standing. The wall was still standing.

"No way," Mike whispered. "No _fucking _way."

The hallway was half-destroyed- chunks of plaster from the ceiling and walls had crumbled around them. Beams and lights had fallen, and at the end of the hallway they could see a pipe had burst.

But the wall was still standing. There were holes in it, wide deep craters, and it looked on the verge of collapse...but it was still standing.

Sue barred her teeth, and Ash thought he saw one of her eyes start to twitch. He took a careful step away.

"God damn it," Sue seethed, forming claws with her hands. Without warning, she let out a a crazed shriek and threw herself at the wall, smashing it with her fists. _"GOD DAMN IT, GOD _DAMN _IT!" _

"God's not listening, Sue." Kurt said, appearing behind them with a barely-conscious Sam on arm. "He never is."

Sue gave a strangled cry, and her fist slid down the wall, leaving a bloody trail in the plaster.

"You can't lose it now, Sue." Ash said, speaking to her back. She didn't acknowledge him.

"Sam?" Ash heard Kurt say. He sounded scared, and Ash turned around to see him trying to lift Sam's head from off his shoulder, where he seemed to have finally passed out. "Sam, wake up."

Sam's head continued to hang lifelessly off his neck, giving no response to Kurt's panicked cries.

"What's happening?" Brittany whispered, looking at Santana with wide eyes. For once, Santana didn't seem to have anything to say.

"It's the dust," Puck said, as Kurt and Finn set Sam down on the floor, resting his head back against the wall. "It's gotta be. He can't breathe."

Kurt pressed two fingers against Sam's neck. He let out a wet sob. "Sam, please don't do this." Kurt begged. He pushed his fingers deep into Sam's skin, desperately searching for a pulse. "We just found each other...you can't leave me now..."

"Anything?" Finn asked.

"Does it look like I've got anything!" Kurt snapped, his voice verging on hysteria. He took his fingers off Sam's neck, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "We need to get him air," Kurt said. He looked around. "Does anyone know CPR? S-something about compressions- how many compressions?" He asked, his eyes wild. "Does anyone kn-know?"

"I do," Puck said, setting Santana down against the wall. "I took a course last summer, after a kid almost drowned in one of the pools I was cleaning."

Kurt moved out of the way, and Puck shifted Sam away from the wall, and cleared a spot on the floor for him with one hand.

"Of course Guppy-Lips is the one asphyxiating," Santana said, watching Puck tilt Sam's chin up, and bend down to press his mouth against him. "His mouth is so huge, he's breathing in twice the amount of dust as the rest of us."

"Santana you c-" Kurt began, turning around to scream at her. He paused, seeing her eyes were wide and terrified, brimming with tears. She was scared.

Puck pressed his hands against Sam's chest, counting out compressions with a look of intense concentration on his face. Everyone was silent.

Quinn's hands were at her throat, turning her small gold cross over in her palms. Brittany and Santana clung to each other. Mike, Ash and Sue watched with grim expressions, and Rachel pressed her face into the side of Finn's shirt.

Finn and Kurt hovered close to Puck, who was once again breathing into Sam's mouth. Tears streamed down Kurt's face. _Not Sam. Please, not Sam. _

On the floor, Sam's body twitched, and Puck's head snapped back as Sam began to cough and sputter. Clouds of dust erupted from his mouth and he turned over on the floor, clutching his chest and hacking uncontrollably.

"Oh thank god," Kurt cried, scrambling back over to Sam. He pulled him into his lap, resting Sam's head against his chest as Sam continued to cough. Around them, everyone else gave sighs of relief. Kurt wrapped his arms over Sam's chest and pressed his face against the top of his head, his shoulders shaking as he started to sob again. Unable to speak yet, Sam put his own arm over Kurt's, hugging it to his chest.

"I've had enough of this," Sue said, storming over and grabbing the back-pack from Rachel's arms.

"Hey!" She protested. Sue ignored her, ripping the Necronomicon out of it.

"This is all _your _fault," Sue shouted. "Evil fucking piece of literature."

"Why is Coach Sylvester talking to a book?" Brittany whispered to Santana. Santana shrugged, and twirled her finger next to her ear, in the universal sign for "crazy."

"Sue, what are you doing?" Ash asked, approaching her slowly. She'd taken a flare out of the bag now, and she put it in her mouth. She bit down on the tip of the flare, ripping it off and causing it to ignite. Around her, the glee club watched with wide eyes.

"Let me show you what my mother taught me to do with books," She said, the blaze of the flare reflected in her eyes. She flipped the book open, and pressed the flare against it's thick pages.

They all felt the air around them change as the book caught fire. Brittany gasped.

Sam gripped Kurt's arm harder as whispering filled the air. He couldn't tell what it was saying- it didn't sound like english. He looked around desperately, trying to find the source of it. It was all around, filling up every inch of the hallway.

"God, what's _happening?_" Rachel whispered, clinging to Finn. She shut her eyes, and found herself thinking _there's no place like home, there's no place like home. _

Rachel's eyes flew open again as she heard someone scream. It was the book- the _book _had flown out of Sue's hands, and a terrible, soulless shriek was pouring from it's burning pages. They all watched in horror as the screaming book attached itself to the ceiling, and it's flames spread out to engulf it.

"I think you made it mad!" Brittany shouted, holding her hand up to shield her eyes.

They looked away as there was loud _crack_ing noise, and bits of plaster fell from the ceiling as a large hole was suddenly ripped into it, in a circle surrounding the Necronomicon. There was a _whoosh _of air, and Quinn looked up as she found her hair being whipped around her face. The hole went through the entire school, right out to the dark purple sky.

The air around them swirled upwards, sending bits of debris flying around them and whipping their faces. "Everybody hold onto something!" Ash commanded, as he, Sue and Mike took hold of broken beams.

Kurt hauled a moaning Sam across the hall, and stuck both their arms into a bottom locker. Brittany and Santana did the same, and Puck, Quinn and Finn held onto the lockers higher up. Rachel clung to Finn.

The lightening above them crackled and struck, right into the pages of the hovering Necronomicon. The book was still wailing, but the sound was lost in the violent wind which formed a narrow vortex out of the school and up into the sky. They held on tight as the wind threatened to lift their feet off the ground, and up into the dark sky.

Rachel shrieked as a chunk of wall crashed into her, causing her to lose her grip on Finn. She flailed her arms madly, trying to find something to hold onto as the wind began to sweep her away.

"Rachel!" Finn screamed, letting go of the locker and jumping at his girlfriend. He snatched her out of the air and held her close to his chest as the wind knocked them both around.

"Grab this!" Ash shouted, extending his chainsaw arm to Finn.

Finn looked at him like he was crazy. "You're not seri-!" Before he could finish, he and Rachel together were lifted off the ground, and then went crashing back down onto the floor.

"Does it look like this is a time for jokes?" Ash yelled. "I'm not gonna turn it on!"

With a pained expression, Finn reached out and grabbed hold of the chainsaw, grimacing as it's blade dug into his skin. Rachel held on tightly as Ash pulled them over to the wall he and Sue were at.

There was another flash of lightening and violent burst of wind, and Ash lost his grip on the beam just as Finn and Rachel managed to get a hold of it. The intensity of the wind seemed to double, and Ash found his feet being lifted up off the ground. Finn reached out a hand and Ash grabbed it, but the wind almost seemed determined to take him, as though it was really Ash it had wanted all along.

"For God's sake! How do you stop it? " Finn shouted, as he felt Ash's fingers begin to slip from his grasp.

"You don't!" Ash shouted back. In the last second before he was sucked up into the vortex, Ash looked at Mike. Mike almost wanted to laugh, because the look on Ash's face was far more annoyed than scared. Their eyes met, and Mike understood what he'd meant to Finn. He nodded.

There was a great gust of wind, and Ash was sucked away from them, up into the growling sky. They all held onto for dear life as the sky seemed to grow brighter and the lightening intensified. There was one more violent flash, and the air dropped. The wind died down almost instantly and the Necronomicon fell back to the ground with a _thump, _landing face up and closed, it's pages unblemished.

Their arms shaking, but still attached to the things they'd been clinging to, the glee club and Sue exchanged tired and scared glances. They all had the same question, but none of them seemed capable of speaking it.

Was it finally over?

"Guys..." Puck said, looking across the hall. They turned, and saw the wall that Sue had attempted to detonate was gone, crumbled to the ground as it should have been in the first place.

They could see the outside.

* * *

None of them would wind up remembering much about the chaos that followed their escape from the school. It was all a blur- the sirens, the screaming parents, the questions from the police...they couldn't keep it all. Not on top of everything else they had to.

But what they didn't remember wasn't important...at least, not as important as the things they _would _remember.

Kurt would remember the _relief _he'd felt when he saw the ambulances there, the big white vans that meant _help _and _safety. _He would remember the he'd jogged along next to Sam's stretcher as they took him across the lawn. He couldn't remember what he'd said to Sam, just that he hadn't stopped talking to him the whole time.

Finn would remember the way Rachel had shrieked, and thrown her arms around him when she realized they'd _made it. _They'd survived the unthinkable, together. They were going to be okay.

Mike would remember turning back around, away from the emerging sunlight and the people, and looking back into the school. He would remember seeing the Necronomicon still lying there in the middle of the hallway, and his silent promise to Ash.

At the end of the day, the number of confirmed dead or missing students was in the hundreds. The police would question the survivors- that is, those survivors who hadn't been left mentally unstable- but they would never receive any answers. Some students thought it might have been drug related...their attackers had been crazy, they could agree on that. Other suggested some sort of gang war. None had gotten a clear look at them.

No one mentioned monsters, or a wild man with a chainsaw on his arm.

* * *

**The End**

* * *

**A/N: Epilogue pending. Sorry about the wait. Also, there are links to some art I made for this story on my profile. **

**Also, I have ret-conned the scene where Sue shows them her weapons cabinet, to include Ash's "catchphrase," because I realized I didn't ever have it in the story and that is unacceptable to me. The scene now goes like this:**

They turned to find Coach Sylvester standing in front of a large cabinet of guns.

Everyone's jaw dropped in unison (except for Brittany- she had found a mini-fridge, and was now helping herself to a pudding cup).

"Oh my god..." Puck said, looking awed. "I think I just got hard."

Kurt glanced at Sam, who raised his eyebrows. They exchanged knowing smiles.

"Why do you have all this stuff?" Rachel asked, walking over and looking at the guns.

"I've been preparing for a situation like this since my early teens." Sue said. "To be honest, I thought it would be the Russians."

Ash walked over to the cabinet as well, and inspected Sue's arsenal with a raised eyebrow. Seeming to approve of the weapons, a smirk appeared on his face. "Groovy."


End file.
